bigfoodiemama

Ah.....yes the spirit of Christmas and alot of other spirits finally entered my soul.Christmas 2017 was a good one...and very social. BMM retired after 49 years last on December 20th, so having watched " Santa" and "Joseph" (with my heart bursting with pride and love) at the school Christmas plays, I got dolled up, GASP donned a sports jacket and we headed to The Kitchen restaurant to celebrate BMM's final day of work. The Burmese Scot started the party from afar by ordering two bottles of Prosecco and the Ambassadrice, The Hairy One , The Mad One, Spud Farmer, The Line Dancer and Gone to Stud joined us in enjoying a wine filled, giggly evening of funny stories and delicious food...a trend that was to continue for this festive season. On Friday 22nd we celebrated the Gorgeous Goddaughter turning 21 in the home of the Aged Aunt and the Belgian FOB. Their magnificent glittering home proved the perfect venue for a glamorous party and the Legal Eagle, Jim Bob and th

On December 1st the Christmas season was thrust upon me with force, as, in the course of one evening, I attended my Dad's retirement village Christmas dinner, before leaving to make it down town to meet GASP and the boys to watch Santa switch on the lights in the local town and then heading home to settle down for the Late Late Toy Show. Talk about overload ! I woke up on Saturday, still moderately hormonal and considered the fact that our 14 year old artificial tree would have to be erected over the next week. This led to a mini internal revolt, where I decided I could not physically put the same decorations up AGAIN and that action would have to be taken. The tree always looked as if a 4 year old had decorated it, and people smiled at it thinking I had left the boys to it, but the truth is, it was usually decorated by me...the very unimaginative, non artistic me. Enough was enough ! I was determined that I would find some love for the tree again, so traipsed the boys off to the s

I've ended up in the unenviable position of being in debt to my own husband. The past while has seen my participation in Lip Sync, an evening course, 3 days away with work , a Saturday away and the first of 3 Christmas parties...simultaneously , in the past 3 weeks I developed a severe case of perimenopausal, premenstrual tension ( PPT only occurs occasionally but deadly!) and the fact that I am still alive is testament to GASP's patience. In this period ( or lack thereof!) GASP has stepped up the the plate as parent, chef and shoulder to cry on and has seen very little " action" . The youngest bought a new bike recently reminding him of a happy time previously when he was seriously over rewarded for some bike building...this time I insisted we pay the man the tenner to put it together !!!! My gadding about has also led to my dipping into his wallet with increased frequency and he provided me with the little radiator I craved in the kitchen for my comfort. So GASP has

Phew ! What a sensational, satisfying and sleep deprived 8 weeks I have had. Since my last blog, we have celebrated BMM's 70th birthday in a way that made the Queen look deprived...there was the Tayto Park party, the Summer Pink Party, the Night at the Races Party and it was all topped off with the most fantastic 5 days in Verona and Soave with my sisters The Mad One and the Ambassadrice with the birthday girl BMM, The Line Dancer and Madame Corsica. We had a ball, ate wonderful food, flirted with Italians ( well The Mad One did!) and did our best to sample to produce of every local vinyard ...we did a pretty good job ! The Line Dancer does an amazing impression of Don Corleone and repeatedly uttered " Respect the Family" in a guttural low tone, usually when slightly inebriated.Turns out staying in an actual winery encourages this state...who knew! Having touched down at the airport The Mad One and I, having left our 3 costume changes in the boot of my jeep, headed straig

Well things are really moving on ! The Lip Sync rehearsals have continued every Monday and Friday night...mind you a few people are taking it "very seriously" and insist of getting together in a local hostelry to " practice". Needless to say Lip Sync Levins, The Mad One and I did not feel that need...until last night ! After a 20 minute session with Lythe Lesley, who actually did not shout at us... we headed back to our local and arrived into a busy bar. Lip Sync Levins like the Cock of the North said to the barman " Can we use the back room?" and to much sniggering and teasing we paraded through the lounge, out to the vacant function room at the back..." to practice our moves" . The Mad One and I were delighted to see a full wall mirror , as we like to watch, and we set to jiggling, twerking and moving like the dancing experts we are. Lip Sync, who was in a pair of size 11 stilettos , was in his element and put us well and truly, through our pa

Today has been a day of two halves. It started off sweetly by my two boys and I joining me down at the start of the Seamie Weldon 5k Run/Walk. This year I was to be in the " walk" section but was delighted to see all my old running buddies, very aroused at the sight of Gentle Gary and cheered up to see Jolly Joan's smiling face. I could feel the excitement and nerves of those undertaking their first 5 k, 2 years after I had completed mine. I was envious of the incredible buzz they would get afterwards. I suggested naively that the boys might like to have a photo with their mother going over the finish line but they gave me a look like they do when I suggest they eat broccoli ! I met up with Marie the Moocher, who was only too happy to accompany me as they took off with their friends . Off we went catching up on the chat as basically everyone passed us, but we were happy out in the sunshine alongside Lovely Leona.To my immense pride my boys crossed their first finish line

Had you entered our kitchen last night you would have found a middle aged, mildly obese woman, in a pair of pyjamas, twerking at the island. Her bemused, amused and bewildered husband sat in the sitting room looking at her with a confused look on his face. The lady in question was, in fact, none other than BFM herself, trying to catch up on her dance moves from the Lip Sync rehearsal she had missed on Friday night. While the Mad One, no doubt, wildly gyrated around a local GAA hall under the instruction of Lambada Lesley, I was hosting a pizza party and sleepover for my eldest. The Mad One also had the joy of being in the company of the 3rd member of our trio, Lip Sync Levins, who has thrown himself into the madness with an air of "I don't give a damn" but he is carrying few bumps and bruises already as the Mad One is VERY enthusiastic. So while my younger sister had the joy of live instruction, company and rousing music, I whipped my hips left and right while trying to

Soooo...would you believe it. Just after writing my blog last night and the lovely GASP reading it ( still under the impression he was TOTALLY in the right) we sat down together to watch the end of Pelham 123. It gets to the critical point where Denzel the lowly radio controller is asked to deliver the cash to the crazed hostage taker a.k.a. John "Saturday Night Fever " Travolta. While walking to the helicopter with the chief hostage negotiator , Denzel decides to phone the missus, fairly confident that he might never see her again, as Travolta is a bit gun happy. In an effort to pretend that this is not happening his gorgeous wife tells him to take care and to " bring home a gallon of milk when he is finished"....AND THEN.....Denzel asks her " Are you sure we need a gallon" ????****FFFF. I looked incredulously over to GASP who viewed the ensuing conversation where she said yes she did need a gallon and he tried to convince her half a gallon would be fine

So....GASP advised me he would phone me on his way home from visiting an elderly relative to ask me what I needed from the shop. I had happily brought the boys to football training to facilitate this visit , hence being unable to fit in the shop as well as working, collecting the boys and feeding them. I arrived at training and with joy noticed Striding Stephen looking for some company to walk around the pitch and we put the world to rights while walking lap after lap. His lovely wife Co Co Carol phoned us while we were on the way round and he briefly chatted to her, but advised her he was with his " other woman" so would have to hang up and see her at home. A few moments later, GASP, as promised, phoned me . I immediately said to him " I am with another man" ( female code for "my ability to chat is limited" ) and asked what I wanted from the shop. Wholemeal bread and ham" I immediately replied, to get you sorted for breakfast tomorrow and sandwiche

As a result of a course I am currently undertaking, I have a bit of a positive psychology vibe going on. This is as much of a shock to me as any of you, as she who cannot abide homework or studying, has immersed herself in textbooks on the topic of Authentic Happiness, Positive Psychology and the art of Flourishing. I feel like a right swot but am delighted that in the midst of my mid life, a new yearning for learning has appeared among the fog of hormones and confusion. Just at the point that I was reading up on the value of gratitude, mindfulness, GRIT and positive emotions one of my dreams came true...I kid you not ! Now, as most of you are aware, I have a chequered history when it comes to breeding cats. Various tragically hilarious situations have seen my cat population go from 1 to 9 and back to 1 in various stages. My want for some female company has seen most of the felines turn out to be female, one of whom for 18 months until the highly observant GASP noticed 2 large glands a

So....The Mad One phoned and asked " Are you in ????" The nature of our longstanding relationship is that you automatically say yes to questions posed in this way so I immediately replied " YES !" "Great" she replied " that's sorted".....I waited to allow her to enjoy her moment of suspense and then enquired as to what exactly I had said yes to. She excitedly informed me that we were now entrants in the Lip Sync Battle being hosted by a local GA club at the end of September. I greeted this with delight as I love a bit of fun and then she advised me that she had already chosen the song and choreographed dance and I was to look up the video of Beyonce singing " If ya like it and ya want it, put a ring on it..." I put down the phone went into u-tube and looked up the video and found this image Now The Mad One has always had an image of herself as a sex siren and I welcomed the fact that she felt the need to tar me with the same b

FINALLY .......my juices are flowing !! After a lengthy dry spell during which I thought normal service would not resume, along came a cock and all is again well with the world. Well truthfully this was the second part of my return to form. After a self imposed Facebook ban, I went online one evening to find that the local Rugby club, for whom I had danced the twist with the Honey Monster and nearly ruptured myself with the Spud Farmer, were hosting a " Commit to getting 5k fit" course with none other that Gentle Gary and Jolly Joan at the helm. Having spent the past year recovering from injury and only recently having broken into a trot ( only after a man approached me from behind with his large syringe.....) I reckoned I am ready for some increased activity but require motivation. Well....if anything is going to motivate me it's the thought of GG dressed in camouflage shouting at me....it's the stuff of dreams ! I am already planning my outfit and wondering if the M

I am coming back as a female Japanese puffer fish ! She has it sussed. None of your normal prtracted courtship, marriage, sexual activity, pregnancy and agonising birth for her...oh no ! Instead she happily browses the underwater boutiques whilst numerous male Japanese puffer fish work 24 hours a day for 7 days to create a sea bed masterpiece for her by moving around flapping its fins to make patterns in the sand. He clears away any bits of rubbish left around and gathers pretty shells to decorate it with. After 7 days hard labour, the female swims over for a look at the various potential homes for her offspring and choses her mate based on how impressed she is by the house on offer. She gives him the nod, but pops off to the shops again for an hour whilst he then makes a special soft bed in the middle of his masterpiece. She returns and a mere love bite to her cheek stimulates her to drop her numerous eggs, whilst he fertilises them, only when they have left her body, and then tucks

The President and the First Lady , much to our delight, chose to visit our capital city a couple of weeks ago along with a mad bunch of much adored friends. A small incident involving the Presidents disappearing wallet led to the Mad One and I going on a Dempsey and Makepeace type escapade around the somewhat dodgy areas of the city, until The Mad One retreived said wallet from the Summerhill Bus Depot. The President and First Lady expressed their gratitude by sending a Marks and Spencers voucher to both of us, much to my joy. I have a theory in relation to M+S vouchers, in that such unexpected gifts should always be used to refresh ones underwear drawer, so with delight I headed off to freshen up my summer underwear. I contemplated each and every knicker on it's merits, appearance, VPL, colour, the need for invisibility under summer linen and whites. I did , for a brief ( get it!) moment consider the sexiness factor, but quickly discounted this as a viable reason to buy lingerie

Yesterday I reached the point of no return. The previous 4 weeks, countless car journeys and numerous tasks had left BFM depleted. I was banjaxed. I made a decision that today would be a form of mini sabbatical so advised GASP and the boys that I was going nowhere, would not be getting dressed at any point ...I would be dressed but in pyjamas....and that I was to be allowed to completely rest. They were totally unperturbed by this as I promised, if left to have a lie in, I would cook pancakes for breakfast...they were happy out. They all kinda like me being around the house anyway. Off I went to my bed last night and snuggled down, my tired brain and body embracing the thought of a day off. I woke with a pain in my neck at 7.45, got up while the house slept, heated a bean bag in the microwave, made a Costa in the Tassimo and sat warm snuggly and alone watching Big Little Lies....it was bliss ! I was joined an hour later by the 3 male members of the house and happily set to making said

As you now know, after 3 weeks of mayhem I was sooooo looking forward to hitting the couch last night . The dinner was going to be a simple affair of fish cakes and oven chips, Fat Freddie and the eldest being given steaks I had found in the freezer. I put in the chips and fish cakes in my lovely shining new oven and pan fried the steaks, serving FF and the eldest first and advising GASP to take a seat as his fish cakes were just cooking. I opened the oven to find the oven chips floppy and merely defrosted and no hot air fogged up my glasses. I realised the oven fan was on but no heat was forthcoming. I twiddled the knob but nothing happened. I took out the manual, rechecked it was not on auto, turned it off and back on, swore, twiddled the knob a bit more and declared in full hormonal fashion that the bloody thing had a fault. For some reason, I thought the fish cakes were hot so gave them to GASP who ate them, saying nothing and I advised him I would give him the chips later,once I&#

In the past 3 weeks ( 21 days exactly) I have orchestrated and delivered a weekend for all four of us in Liverpool for GASP's impending BIG birthday. This included getting two tickets for GASP and the eldest to go to Heaven ie. Anfield thanks to a very dear friend aka The President. As it was a surprise trip all details fell to my good self and, if I may say so, it was a resounding success. Since we docked off our swift ferry on Monday March 13th I have had the car serviced and NCT'd, done the drop off for 3 singing lessons, 3 swimming lessons, gone to 6 football games, 9 training sessions, compered a pub quiz, arranged costumes for no uniform day, attended a St. Patrick's Day parade, attended a " please inject my butt" appointment, visited a patient in hospital twice , took the eldest to the Aviva for Ireland v Iceland having won tickets, had the carpets and couch cleaned, cooked, reheated or microwaved 18 dinners , and bought a new cooker as they were the last 1

We did alot of screwing in the utility room on Valentines night. You see married Valentines is a little different to the flower laden, gift enhanced, dinner out single version. Having eaten dinner separately ( he was stroking his bullocks.....I was starving) and put the boys to bed, I joined GASP in the utility room, in my pyjamas, as he pulled out his tool and got to work....unscrewing the panels on the side of the tumble drier. I had declared that I knew exactly how to fix the drier, having very intelligently asked the €80 an hour service man to show me what exactly he had done the last time we called him out....not a bad idea hey ! We had , in fact, paid him €80 to mop up a little water in a reservoir with some kitchen roll, thereby "convincing" the drier that the water container was not in fact full.....FFS! GASP was not exactly convinced that I knew what I was doing, but nonetheless, in an effort to save a bit of expenditure went along with me, and to his great delight,

OK, so now that I am 46 years old I have been experimenting. It wasn't really necessary when I was younger, as I just stuck to what I knew and it seemed to work fine. I was always happy anyway and had no complaints from the opposite sex. Getting older has it's drawbacks though as the same old techniques fail to deliver and I have found myself lacking in satisfaction. Some time ago I went out and bought a few items to add to my old bits and pieces and up until about a week ago, it seemed to be doing the trick, except for a few people advising me that I looked a bit pale. You will remember that, a week ago, I bought a wand, but according to The Mad One, it looks like I am going to need a the Fairy Godmother, pumpkin, mice and a large sprinkling of magic to conceal my under eye wrinkles. I arrived at her immaculate ( ha ha ! ) house this morning for a cuppa, having spent some time in my en suite applying make up and liberally waving my wand around. All week long, I have used an e

So, my attendance at the Tuesday night spinning class resumed last night, having taken a night off last week ,after having acupuncture for my ongoing butt trouble....yes, I am now allowing someone to actually put pins in my ass......no I am not a sadomasochist ! I had decided ( hilariously !) that I really must be quite fit as the spin class to date had been fairly straightforward, being a bit of a push but enjoyable and my sweat towel had gone mostly unused. The KOK's had advised me that Rapid had the bikes serviced about 10 days ago, but I reckoned this was merely a spit and polish job and would have no effect whatsoever. " Fit" and confident, I strolled into class last night. Lovely Loopy Lou took a seat on my bike, having just finished Boot Camp ( hence the loopy bit ), so I happily moved one over and positioned myself, in my Muddy Fox padded shorts, onto the new saddle, a broader, softer version of it's previous item of perineal torture...happy days. The funk

So, having foregone giving each other Christmas gifts this year, the F.A., the Blonde and I headed off yesterday afternoon to enjoy some quality girlie time together. Off to the big smoke we headed and spent a fabulous hour at the Charlotte Tilbury counter in BT's. A small purchase ( €35) secured not only bringing a lovely product home but the pleasure of having my dry old wrinkled face cleansed, moisturised, "dewified", illuminated, concealed, brushed, painted, touched up and basically made unrecognisable. I brought home an "eye wand" , which I can tell you will need to be magic to make my tired bags resemble a small clutch more than the full set of luggage they currently resemble ! The Blonde was very interested in my wand, as her girl " only used her fingers". I happily boasted that my make up artist had both used a wand and her fingers on me ! Now that we looked so "dewy" ( It's all about the skin apparently.....who knew !) we needed

So, on the last day of the year, I made the decision to go "On the Dry" for January. If you think this was some resolution, health kick or weight loss plan, you would be wrong. It was a decision made early in the morning, where the consumption of Dingle Gin and tonic followed by some excellent red wine, in the company of some wonderful equally drinking girlies, had led me to spend December 31st in a state known to most as "hungover". At 46 years of age, this infrequent occurrence reminds me of my frailty and the fact that my whole body gets a hangover now, not just the head of my twenties or the head and stomach of my thirties. The FA, who had attended the event the night before and slept over, was the first to suggest it, having successfully manged it before, so I declared my intention to join her, proud of myself and, in case of any wobbling later, posted it on Facebook to ensure my compliance. I am not a quitter ! On New Years Day, as we all headed off to the pa