Hunky Dory.....NOT !

It was definitely the crisps ! This is the story of a girl who will NEVER eat the green Hunky Dorys EVER AGAIN ! The poor girl ( poetic license) thought last Friday night would be a straightforward evening of chat, dancing, fun at the evening of her first cousins wedding, but it didn't exactly turn out, as she thought it would. Of course The Mad One and the FIS ( fluent Irish speaker) set the wheels in motion, when they met in Lidl and decided that the men were to be left at home, and it would be a girls night out. Again The Mad One compounded matters when she offered to drive and collect the poor girl from her home on Friday evening to make the 90 minute trip to the hotel. On the way, the crack was mighty, but being three women in a car, there had to be a loo and coffee stop, at which point FIS showed her true Irish roots, bu arriving back into the car with a selection of snacks "for the journey home". A large bag of Minstrels and Galaxy Counters ( Minstrels without the shell....gorgeous!) were consumed on the way to the hotel, leaving the deadly large green bag of Hunky Dorys on the floor in the front of the car.
The 3 bridies arrived like they were never allowed out, at the evening reception and mingled like pros ( professionals!)The poor girl enjoyed her first little quarter bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, her second, third, the chicken goujons, cocktail sausages and her fourth Sauvignion Blanc. At this point she decided to have a couple of glasses of tap water, as a feeling of wooziness was descending upon her. A loo visit was required and from this point on, things went somewhat awry.
The poor girl realised, much to her surprise that she was in fact a "little bit scuttered". At this point it was midnight, and being a bit of a Cinderella, felt a little "tiredy". Based on the fact that there was a 90 minute journey ahead, she advised the Mad One, that she would pop out to wait for her in the car, expecting her and FIS to follow some 10 minutes later.....a huge mistake on her part. On arriving back at the car, the poor girl got into the back seat, but realised it was quite cold. Due to the un fortunate presence of child locks, she had to climb into the front of the car to start it, and then happily popped back into the back. Heat on, a bit of music.....lovely....NOT ! A sudden wave of Nausea overcame the poor girl, who with great speed and minus one shoe had to negotiate the very Small space between the front seats, to access the outside of the car. The Nausea happily passed, but with great foresight, the poor girl decided to stay in the front of the car, in case the dreaded nausea should return. ONE HOUR LATER The Mad One and FIS decided to leave the reception and trotted out to the car park, where they found a Mazda 5 with the lights on, radio on, heat on full blast, Hazard warning lights flashing and the poor girl, in a fur coat, fast asleep in the drivers seat, with her feet on the dashboard......attractive ! The Mad One and FIS giggled hysterically, woke the poor girl up, she got into the back of the car and snuggled down for the journey home. She was just nodding off when it happened. With a total lack of care for anyone on Earth, FIS grabbed hold of the large green bag of Hunky Dorys, pulled them open with total abandon, releasing the waft of Cheddar Cheese and Spring Onion into the Mazda, like a pandemic. The poor girl was totally overcome by the stench, very quickly advised the two in front, that the nausea had returned ( not in those words) expecting a swift pull over of the Mazda, but no, the two women were gaily chatting, so the poor girl had to resort to speedily hitting the electric window button and praying that it would come down, far enough, fast enough. What happened next was not pretty, but the truly ugly part of the whole affair, was that this act induced hysterical LAUGHTER in The Mad One and FIS, to the extent that it took the Mad One some 3/4 of a mile to stop the car, before she stood, on the side of the road roaring laughing, while the poor girl begged, yes begged, for a tissue. Charming ! Family, my a**e !
There are a few morals to this not so fairy tale

1. Never use child locks, when there are adults in your car
2. Never trust a fluent Irish Speaker
3. Ban strong smelling food from all journeys, in the early morning hours
4. Always carry a small pack of baby wipes in your purse
5. Practice drinking so that 4 wines is not a total assault on your system
6. Friends ( texted the next day) are far more sympathetic than family