bigfoodiemama

There are those in life for whom first attempts just don't cut it. Take Shimmyin' Shane and Leggy Leah for instance. Last night, they endured the amateur comments of at least 8 of us newly qualified dancers, as they repeatedly tried to perfect their big lift. Poor Leggy Leah...everyone had advice for her " jump higher, lean forwards, keep travelling forwards, relax ". Shimmyin' Shane must have wondered if his arms would ever work again as he managed attempt, after attempt, after attempt. The Dancing Butcher, Body Poppin Postman and Honey Monster all leant hands...literally, and Leggy never gave up. Mind you, at one stage I asked Shimmyin' which dance he was doing, to which he quickly replied "Hand Job....NO....Jive!" For the Honey Monster, our first attempt at the twist just isn't exciting enough, so he suggested I observe John Sergeant and Kristina Rihanoff, off the BBC's SCD, "to pick up a few steps". I duly did as my partner adv

Gavin Glitter was a bit late for last nights practice so in my usual shy fashion, I took the warm up. Quite hilarious really,as Ithink I am the only dancer still unable to touch her toes.Now,this crowd of dancers need alot of handling,as they are a rowdy lot, so I let a yell at Bangin Barry and the Spud Farmer to stop talking , but then had to swiftly avert my gaze to Barry Buttocks who nudged Masticating Matthews , causing her to hit the deck. "Enough" I yelled , causing Masticating Matthews to christen me "Dirty Dominatrix" ......I liked it,so continued in that vein, as I advised them all to " go down" and " spread their legs " . Calamity Ali was on red alert, so took some controlling, but all in all I had them " whipped" into shape when Gorgeous Grainne and Gavin Glitter arrived. "Take your favourite positions Gavin yelled , (asking me to choose carefully) and off we went.We were short a couple of folks Bashful Aisling , Barely

As the Honey Monster loomed over me, I looked at him, bent fully fowards towards his crotch, nestled my head between his legs, placed my hands between my legs, felt him lean down over me, grasp my hands and pull hard causing me to flip over landing on my feet pressed hard against his chest....I had "rammed" the Honey Monster...to use the official dancing term. Personally I felt "rammed" and could not feel two fingers for a few minutes, such was the brutality of the assault. This Strictly Come Dancing business is getting serious....and dangerous ! We are dancing the Twist for God's sake...hardly the most infamous of dances, so why does my butt, stomach, thighs, arms and chest hurt so much. The Honey Monster looked as if he was about to rupture something during one lift and, I could tell, was lamenting not getting Leggy Leah as his partner ( she's got the Shimmy'n Shane) . Lovely Lennon offered to demonstrate the complex lift, but I went left as he thought

Well it's been quite a week. Following the " launch" last Saturday night...it took a few people days to recover, we attended training on Monday night to find out which dance style we would have to dance. Honey Monster and I were given "The Twist", which does involve a couple of major lifts...Honey Monster looked nervous ! That same night I was advised that I could have a different parthner for the group dance, and Gavin Glitter decided that my dear brother in law, the Spud Farmer was to be my mate....OMG ! What followed was painful, embarassing and hilarious. You see, the group dance involves your partner catching you as you fall back and turning you over twice to bring you back into standing....unless the Spud Farmer is your partner, when you will end up on all fours with him riding you like a cowboy, to the hysterical laughter of all the other dancers. It gets worser ! Later in the dance all the men drop quickly to their knees, to allow the women to "thro

Last night I was " launched".....more Titanic than QE2 remarked GASP !. The official launch night of SCD occurred last night in the local Golf Club and was a blast. The dancers all met at 6.15 in a local hostelry even though the event was due to kick off at 8.00 pm. Methinks the committee had a wee plan to have us all a little " relaxed" in advance of taking to the stage. In true Irish form, we were provided sandwiches and cocktail sausages as "soakage" and at 7.30 the Dancing Butcher asked to us to head outside. I was all excited as all the talk was of two limos...limos my arse...two minibuses took us, in our black tie attire, to the back entrance of the Golf Club for our top secret entrance..I swear I felt like I was in Westlife. Inside we were greeted by Paparrazzi, Prosecco and a box of Thorntons chocolates and the fun began. I soon found out I was numero Uno to head to the stage escorted by the Leinster U18 Rugby captain, who looked very nervous as I