bigfoodiemama

I really like Pope Francis but this week, he and I saw things slightly differently on the whole procreation front. I had no qualms about his suggesting people limiting their family to three. The mere threat of my two becoming four based on a family history of twins, led me to call a swift halt to conception in our house. Now, as per Pope Francis, I should now be using " natural methods of contraception" to ensure our happy little family remains, as far as I am concerned, happy. He suggests this as if it is easy...he would be wrong....quite a feat for an infallible man . You see, the "natural" method involves the female of the species taking her temperature on a daily basis so that she can " naturally" determine her most fertile time, then " naturally" abstaining from any D+D ( Down and Dirty) until "safe" again to do so. " Naturally" no man thinks this is a great plan, as it is a guaranteed 5 -6 days of abstinence in a calende

So, there I am browsing through the Opaque Tights section of a high street store in Inverness, in the knowledge that my knee highs ( yes, I know!) may not be able to sustain my circulation in this feeezing climate. I knelt down, as the XL tights are always on the bottom rail, as of course it makes sense that midgets struggle to reach the small tights while I nearly rupture myself trying to reach to the back of the bottom rung for the tights made for those over 5 foot 9 ! It's the same with bloody bras.......32 A, top shelf, 40 DD ,near the floor , so your own breasts may actually suffocate you trying to reach down for them...I digress. Knelt down as I was, I suddenly spotted " Moisturising Tights"...I kid you not. They were infiltrated with Cocoa Butter and Aloe Vera, so as to actually moisturise your legs while wearing them , this effect lasting for up to 5 washes....amazing ! Brings a whole new meaning to "let me just slip out of these"...you'd slide out i