Well fancy that !
So, there I am browsing through the Opaque Tights section of a high street store in Inverness, in the knowledge that my knee highs ( yes, I know!) may not be able to sustain my circulation in this feeezing climate. I knelt down, as the XL tights are always on the bottom rail, as of course it makes sense that midgets struggle to reach the small tights while I nearly rupture myself trying to reach to the back of the bottom rung for the tights made for those over 5 foot 9 ! It's the same with bloody bras.......32 A, top shelf, 40 DD ,near the floor , so your own breasts may actually suffocate you trying to reach down for them...I digress. Knelt down as I was, I suddenly spotted " Moisturising Tights"...I kid you not. They were infiltrated with Cocoa Butter and Aloe Vera, so as to actually moisturise your legs while wearing them , this effect lasting for up to 5 washes....amazing ! Brings a whole new meaning to "let me just slip out of these"...you'd slide out in no time to reveal smooth gorgeous legs....ingenious. I googled this invention only to find that there are also tights which apply fake tan while you are wearing them, so white legs go in and tanned legs come out the other end....mad !
This led me to contemplate what other very useful items of clothing could make you look even better on taking them off. I considered polo necks with anti aging cream to sort out your wrinkles, knickers infiltrated with salt, so that like a marinading piece of meat, all excess fluid would be removed, meaning your bottom would shrink a size during the day. Why not make a bra loaded with Haemorrhoid cream so that your breasts would get tighter and perkier as the day went on !
What, I wondered would men invent for themselves along this line.....underpants loaded with Immac for the sack and crack, jeans which would automatically deodorise farts....nah, they love smelling them......y fronts lined with nettles and late acting antihistamine...so that you could keep the swelling but lose the pain...the possibilities are endless. I'm off to test out a few products with GASP. I'm bringing some lotions and potions down to the bedroom this evening and will apply them liberally to items of clothing to test the results. I am hoping that the use of beef gravy , chocolate sauce and a small bit of silage rubbed into my winter pyjamaas might make me irresistible to him !
This led me to contemplate what other very useful items of clothing could make you look even better on taking them off. I considered polo necks with anti aging cream to sort out your wrinkles, knickers infiltrated with salt, so that like a marinading piece of meat, all excess fluid would be removed, meaning your bottom would shrink a size during the day. Why not make a bra loaded with Haemorrhoid cream so that your breasts would get tighter and perkier as the day went on !
What, I wondered would men invent for themselves along this line.....underpants loaded with Immac for the sack and crack, jeans which would automatically deodorise farts....nah, they love smelling them......y fronts lined with nettles and late acting antihistamine...so that you could keep the swelling but lose the pain...the possibilities are endless. I'm off to test out a few products with GASP. I'm bringing some lotions and potions down to the bedroom this evening and will apply them liberally to items of clothing to test the results. I am hoping that the use of beef gravy , chocolate sauce and a small bit of silage rubbed into my winter pyjamaas might make me irresistible to him !
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