He married an axe murderer !

Yesterday, May 14th 2011 was a lucky and unlucky day for GASP. Unlucky because he woke to find he was married to a hormonally charged b**** and lucky in that he was still alive at 11.00pm last night. As some of you will appreciate,( and some of you will completely doubt! )yesterday I was taken over completely by hormones. I woke looking for a fight and in these circumstances, your nearest and dearest is target
number 1. GASP's mere presence in the house....no...on Earth ! was enough of a reason to look at him venomously when he rose from his slumber, 2 hours, 17 minutes and 14 seconds after I has got up with HIS baby ! It was his fault that I was knackered having been out on Thursday night. It was also his fault that part of our large oak tree had fallen down during the week, necessitating that he spent his Saturday wielding a chainsaw, chopping wood for OUR winter fire......IT'S ONLY MAY FOR CHRISTS SAKE ! The sound of the chainsaw was somewhat soothing , in that I was able to imagine all kinds of scenarios, where I viciously pulled back on the coil, starting it off as it hovered above GASPS's head.HOW LONG WILL YOU BE OUTSIDE....WILL YOU BE IN FOR LUNCH ? I fired questions off as if they were bullets ( the type of bullets, they talk about on CSI, which splinter inside the body, doing untold internal damage ) Later in the afternoon, he had the audacity to BREATHE....THE B****** ! Every squeak from the children was HIS FAULT, every movement he made, a reason to SHOOT TO KILL. The fact that I was bloated up like a hot air balloon, straining against the waistband of my jeans, did not help matters. I was FAT, UNSEXY AND P***** OFF. HOW DARE HE he put on his new navy and pink Marks and Spencer's polo shirt AND LOOK SO GOOD AS IF TO TAUNT ME ! Unbelievably, GASP managed to go through the day without injury and as I stormed off to bed at 9.30 sick of the whole damn day, took his life in his hands and called me back for a goodnight kiss.....IS HE NUTS ? Nah....just used to it !