bigfoodiemama

I held it in my hand and caressed it....it was hard, smooth and it's red round end glistened in my hand. I could not wait to get it inside me. Lovingly I caressed it and wondered if my sister knew what her husband was capable of delivering.She really didn't appreciate the depths of his talents, but I would not be guilty of that sin. I was going to savour every bit of it , slowly nibbling before devouring it. I gasped, awash with feelings I had not known for some time. The others did not compare...this was going to be an experience and I knew what I was getting, because I had had it before and was left satisfied, smiling and wanting more.....there is nothing like a Rooster. Kerrs Pinks don't even come close and as for Maris Piper....pah ! The Spud Farmer produced premium produce and had left his bag at my back door...if you know what I mean ! As I gently cleansed it of it's Louth mud, patted it dry and pricked it, I thanked God my sister had married a spud man....more pl

Marriage brings with it,every year a new comfort level with your partner...whether he likes it or not. Those intimate little activities which were on a " need to know" basis before you married, are now carried out in full view of your poor husband. GASP has seen many things in the last 9 years, that I am sure he wished he hadn't,as some of my mystery is now on full view to him, included in which is the "Bridget Jones" knicker collection. Prior to marriage, he was under the impression that my underwear drawer consisted of wispy little fancy smalls. He was blissfully unaware that in the countdown to our wedding day, I purchased about 17 different pairs of BJ's to ensure absoultely no VPL in my slinky wedding dress ( I was 2 stone lighter so slinky was the order of the day) Over the last few years he has seen the BJ's emerge from the wardrobe, usually flung over my shoulder as I hunt down the required underwear for the various outfits I have worn. I took

It was definitely the crisps ! This is the story of a girl who will NEVER eat the green Hunky Dorys EVER AGAIN ! The poor girl ( poetic license) thought last Friday night would be a straightforward evening of chat, dancing, fun at the evening of her first cousins wedding, but it didn't exactly turn out, as she thought it would. Of course The Mad One and the FIS ( fluent Irish speaker) set the wheels in motion, when they met in Lidl and decided that the men were to be left at home, and it would be a girls night out. Again The Mad One compounded matters when she offered to drive and collect the poor girl from her home on Friday evening to make the 90 minute trip to the hotel. On the way, the crack was mighty, but being three women in a car, there had to be a loo and coffee stop, at which point FIS showed her true Irish roots, bu arriving back into the car with a selection of snacks "for the journey home". A large bag of Minstrels and Galaxy Counters ( Minstrels without the

Some 6 years ago now, the blonde, Newly Single, the FA, Previously Preggers, Louise Vuitton and I spent 4 days in Marbella, courtesy of Louise Vuitton's boyfriend ( now husband) having an apartment in Puerto Banus. It was mid Celtic Tiger so , as far as we were concerned, we were super fabulous. As is our usual behaviour, we had each bought a variety of magazines which we swopped repeatedly, until we knew everything about everyone. Due to the bluish tinge, my skin keeps all year round, I had gone for a spray tan, but was a bit more Beyonce than bronzed. Due to the necessity of sun cream I could not put bronzer on my face, so looked like an upside down Choc Ice....attractive ! I am always of the opinion that everyone on Earth looks more glamorous on a beach than I do, but this fact does not actually bother me. With the air of a woman let loose for a few days, I embraced not giving a damn, and had a ball. I caught sight of the photo above in The Guardian today, as they are collecting

The photos above are a)the official headshot and b)a picture taken some time ago ,of Justine Greenings, Secretary of State for Transpost in the British Parliment. Now, why, I hear you ask, am I putting photos of a British MP on my blog.I will explain......today I had to spend some time in a posh hospital and luckily it involved an extended period of watching Sky news on a Sony Bravia flat screen. (I would like to point out that I was there in a personal capacity, not as part of my job, before you all think Sony Bravia viewing is acceptable during a public servants workling day!) There was great excitement in advance of the Secretary of State for Transport's official announcement of the approval of the HS2 High Speed train, which would travel at 225km per hour from London to Birmingham in 49 minutes !!!! I kid you not. In advance of going "live" to the Commons, we heard from locals who lived in various villages along the route who were not happy, we viewed a couple of quie

The month after Christmas ( to the tune of T'was the Night Before Christmas) 'Twas the month after Christmas and all through the house Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. The stuffing I'd nibbled, the turkey I'd taste The yummies I'd eaten gone straight to my waist. The wine and the mince pies, the bread and the cheese I should have just said, "No thank you, please". So as I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt, I couldn't believe my bottom and belly - the girth! I said to myself, as only I can, "You can't spend the year disguised as a man!" So away with the last of the sour cream dip, Get rid of the fruitcake, every cracker and chip. Every last bit of food that I like must be banished 'Til all the additional ounces have vanished. I won't have a cookie, not even a lick. Instead I'll chew on a long celery stick. I won't have Irish coffees, or chocolates or pie, I'll munch on a carrot and quietly I'll cr

Regular readers will be aware that I have one ( yes just one) set of expensive underwear, which I have referred to on numerous occasions. A dreadful thing has happened. The knickers, of the expensive bra and knicker set, have gone missing !I am not sure, when this tragic incident occurred, but I do know that a) I was not wearing them at the time they went missing,b) they are not in the knicker drawer and c) GASP is missing them too. You see the expensive underwear was not just a set to make me feel good. I had purchased them a few months after the arrival of son number 2, and they signalled my return to normal life, from big mama to hot mama , from tummy mummy to yummy mummy, from miaow to Rrrrrrrr! Marks and Spencers were abandoned for this purchase, and off I traipsed, childless, one morning to Ooh La La! ( I kid you not) in the local town. The aforementioned underwear set were on display in the window, and it was love at first sight. Thankfully, they had my size and in a matter of m

I apologise for having been so silent, for so long, readers. Truthfully, I have no excuse worth typing, but today, the first day of 2012 have made a new years resolution to blog more, eat less, consume no more than 14 units per week (a futile exercise as I could double my current consumption and still meet this!)exercise three times weekly, moisturise my neck and chest, floss daily, exfoliate weekly, swear less, read more and watch less TV. I make these same resolutions every year and usually only manage to stick to one, so the first one will suffice. 2011 was a very good year. Not that anything particularly fabulous happened, but the fact that nothing too terrible happened ,will do for me. There were, of course, momentous moments/realisations. I will share them with you so that you and I might catch up before heading onwards together. 1. Youngest son actually slept through the night...this took 2 years and 24 days to happen so definitely qualifies as momentous 2.The Mad One lost 2 st