Hairy Story

So the Mad One phones me saying " I have it...your intro for Strictly Come Dancing (SCD).Take a look at Jack by Breach on U tube and phone me back...I am sure we can get the costumes" I advised her that I had never heard of it and asked how to spell the artists name...." Breach as in birth" was the answer and with that she hung up. As GASP was reading the Sky Sports page on my tablet and WWE was entertaining the 2 boys on the x box, I resorted to turning on my sons newly acquired tablet, in my keen curiousity to view this musical masterpiece and the "costumes". I typed in the required terms on Google and hit play ........she has TOTALLY lost it this time ! As a dance tune "Jack" is not bad, but the costumes are human hair...yes, people dressed in clothing made entirely of long straight blonde,frizzy bruntette or curly red hair....human hair !!!!! Now, I may not be the worlds brightest but I really don't think the Rugby Club of my local agricultural town are ready to see my partner and I emerge, from the back corridor of the Fairways Hotel ,clad head to toe ( literally) in HAIR while shaking my bootie and strutting my hairy stuff.
You see, the Mad One completed her second SCD last year and won the accolade of " Best Entrance" for arriving into the room dressed as a Circus Mistress, complete with full dressage whip, to the tune of Animal by Def Leppard, while her partner ( still in counselling) Mr Yellow Speedos, visibly shook , dressed as a Lion, in the cage they had "borrowed" from the local supermarket store room. It was pushed up the aisle of the ballroom by two cavemen until the Lion escaped to rip The Mad Ones cloak off ......as you can see she has a vivid imagination ( and a somewhat oversexed one, I might add) !
How on Earth am I meant to follow that ? So far I am considering " Talk Dirty to me " by my new favourite Jason Darulo as a risky possibility, but I am open to suggestions .........