Oh Holy Night
So last night, GASP and the Mad One happily agreed that I should accompany the Spud Farmer to the official launch of the SCD DVD. Due to an incident involving my having gone to Zumba 3 weeks ago with MILF Mullarkey, I offered to drive, as I am on a cocktail of medication for back pain as a result of Twerking and Body Rolling. It may suit the physique of Miley Cyrus and Barry Buttocks, but not this 44 year old mother of 2 !I should have been able to work out what kind of evening it would be when the pint of Heineken post showed up on our SCD private Facebook page, and the fact that numerous dancers were planning pre drinking drinks..... The Spud Farmer arrived out to my car clad in the standard Spud Farmer attire of creased jeans, checked shirt and the affluent farmer adjunct of a Tommy Hilfiger canvas jacket. I was in my flat shoes as back pain and heels don't mix, so at least I knew my feet would survive what was to come. The Spud Farmer advised me early on that the night would go one of two ways for him 1) drink very little and head home by midnight as we had arranged or 2) get totally trashed.........Had I thought about who we were due to meet out, I would never have considered option 1) as plausible.
It was great to see the gang, and we quickly resumed our usual banter and slagging. The Spud Farmer bought my solitary red wine for the evening and one for himself and the fun began. Off we all went into Luna nightclub where candelabras lit the tables for us and we settled down to watch the DVD on the big screen. I was at the table with the Spud Farmer, Marie the Moocher, Honey Monster and Shimmyin' Shane and quickly noted that the two Spud Farmers were planning a big night . The Spud Farmer tried to convinve me early on the ditch the car and go on a bender with him, but in the knowledge I was due to take a Valium at bedtime, took the intelligent and mature decision to stay on tap water. There was little evidence of mature or intelligent decision making elsewhere in the room.The DVD was great fun, highlights for me being able to see all the back room fun, being amamzed by Utterly Butterly and the Irish Dancer, seeing Barry Buttocks twerking replayed, witnessing the chemistry on screen between Calamity Ali and Bangin' Barry and the lifts of 5 foot 4 and Bashful Aisling. To say that the Disco was entertaining was an understatement....Finally There Bogger and MILF Mullarkey looked sizzling hot and Boggers hair, for as long as it stayed on his head, was a sight for sore eyes. The Spud Farmer and Marie the Moochers dance was literally beyond belief. God Bless Marie as she stayed in time and met the steps as the Spud Farmer looked like he was having some kind of neurological fit while attempting to peer out from behind his afro. The Spud Farmer was concerned about how bad his dancing was but I assured him that he won the entertainment prize.
The moment then came for all to witness again the moment when the Honey Monster and I made our appearance on stage. The Honey Monsters Mad Doctor look was priceless and his limp was perfect. I did indeed have a lovely entrance, but the piece de resistance for me was that I finally got to witness the point in the show everyone had told me about, but I was the only one who had not seen it. This moment was when the Honey Monster, in an effort not to repeat the mistake made at the dress rehearsal, decided, as I "rammed him" to use his shovel like hands to hoist my skirt up, exposing my pink boxer short clad bottom, in order that he could grasp my hands to pull me through. ......hysterical. Few men have ever so expertly carried out such a feat and survived to tell the story. The Honey Monster is under the impression that we could make a fortune on U tube with this clip , so my bottom ( or what's left of it) is likely to be further exposed. Not quite a sex tape, but I reckon I will be famous.
With delight, we all again witnessed Leggy Leah and Shimmyin' Shane taking the Ultimate Prize, after Honey and I were rewarded for our magnificent entrance. With that and much clapping, cheering and laughing we headed to the bar to continue the night...oh boy......what a night. The Spud Farmer was well into Option 2 of his decision making and his red wine consumption meant that his lips were stained a maroon colour and he was beginning to resemble Conchita Wurst. The Honey Monster was all on for a long nights drinking so they made a lovely couple. Some amusement was had when they started discussing farming and the Honey Monster declared that he had heard of terrible accidents up around the Spud Farmers land, due to the crookedness of the soil drills causing rabbits to hurtle into each other as they rounded the bends. The Spud Farmer, retailiated by calling into question the quality of the Honey Monsters Rooster, which lead to some boasting on the part of the Honey Monster ,in relation to the size ,cleanliness and demand for his Rooster. I had tried for some time to try to convince the Spud Farmer to either come home with me or stay out and get a cab. Bangin' Barry offered his newly decorated lavender scented spare room. The Spud Farmer replied " alot of women might be interested in staying in yours" so Bangin' Barry reminded him that only the spare room was on offer.
The Spud Farmer concerned for his best buddy , advised the Honey Monster that we would take him home, before turning round to check with me that I was happy to drive 5 miles out of my way north of the town before then driving 3 miles south out of my way to his house, before then driving to my home 4 miles east of the town.I was perfectly happy to oblige due to my sobriety and the fact that I really adore these two funny men. " Don't worry" said the Spud Farmer , " I'll stay beside you in case he drops the hand!"...such a gent.
By now I had managed to get the Spud Farmer to don his Tommy Hilfiger, my handbag contained his DVD, the placemat Marie the Moocher had so kindly made for the dancing couples, the copy of his prize winning poem,a copy of the programme for him and under my arm was the empty box Trailer Trash had awared his as a prize. The reversing camera is due to be inserted...sorry installed...next week. The Honey Monster decided to stay and was in full flight with Utterly Butterly, 5 foot 4, Bangin' Barry and The Husband. I managed to get the Spud Farmer to stop taking after about 10 minutes in the car outside his house, kicked him out, saw him through the door before heading home to a sleeping GASP , a Valium and a wee giggle to myself....still giggling today !
It was great to see the gang, and we quickly resumed our usual banter and slagging. The Spud Farmer bought my solitary red wine for the evening and one for himself and the fun began. Off we all went into Luna nightclub where candelabras lit the tables for us and we settled down to watch the DVD on the big screen. I was at the table with the Spud Farmer, Marie the Moocher, Honey Monster and Shimmyin' Shane and quickly noted that the two Spud Farmers were planning a big night . The Spud Farmer tried to convinve me early on the ditch the car and go on a bender with him, but in the knowledge I was due to take a Valium at bedtime, took the intelligent and mature decision to stay on tap water. There was little evidence of mature or intelligent decision making elsewhere in the room.The DVD was great fun, highlights for me being able to see all the back room fun, being amamzed by Utterly Butterly and the Irish Dancer, seeing Barry Buttocks twerking replayed, witnessing the chemistry on screen between Calamity Ali and Bangin' Barry and the lifts of 5 foot 4 and Bashful Aisling. To say that the Disco was entertaining was an understatement....Finally There Bogger and MILF Mullarkey looked sizzling hot and Boggers hair, for as long as it stayed on his head, was a sight for sore eyes. The Spud Farmer and Marie the Moochers dance was literally beyond belief. God Bless Marie as she stayed in time and met the steps as the Spud Farmer looked like he was having some kind of neurological fit while attempting to peer out from behind his afro. The Spud Farmer was concerned about how bad his dancing was but I assured him that he won the entertainment prize.
The moment then came for all to witness again the moment when the Honey Monster and I made our appearance on stage. The Honey Monsters Mad Doctor look was priceless and his limp was perfect. I did indeed have a lovely entrance, but the piece de resistance for me was that I finally got to witness the point in the show everyone had told me about, but I was the only one who had not seen it. This moment was when the Honey Monster, in an effort not to repeat the mistake made at the dress rehearsal, decided, as I "rammed him" to use his shovel like hands to hoist my skirt up, exposing my pink boxer short clad bottom, in order that he could grasp my hands to pull me through. ......hysterical. Few men have ever so expertly carried out such a feat and survived to tell the story. The Honey Monster is under the impression that we could make a fortune on U tube with this clip , so my bottom ( or what's left of it) is likely to be further exposed. Not quite a sex tape, but I reckon I will be famous.
With delight, we all again witnessed Leggy Leah and Shimmyin' Shane taking the Ultimate Prize, after Honey and I were rewarded for our magnificent entrance. With that and much clapping, cheering and laughing we headed to the bar to continue the night...oh boy......what a night. The Spud Farmer was well into Option 2 of his decision making and his red wine consumption meant that his lips were stained a maroon colour and he was beginning to resemble Conchita Wurst. The Honey Monster was all on for a long nights drinking so they made a lovely couple. Some amusement was had when they started discussing farming and the Honey Monster declared that he had heard of terrible accidents up around the Spud Farmers land, due to the crookedness of the soil drills causing rabbits to hurtle into each other as they rounded the bends. The Spud Farmer, retailiated by calling into question the quality of the Honey Monsters Rooster, which lead to some boasting on the part of the Honey Monster ,in relation to the size ,cleanliness and demand for his Rooster. I had tried for some time to try to convince the Spud Farmer to either come home with me or stay out and get a cab. Bangin' Barry offered his newly decorated lavender scented spare room. The Spud Farmer replied " alot of women might be interested in staying in yours" so Bangin' Barry reminded him that only the spare room was on offer.
The Spud Farmer concerned for his best buddy , advised the Honey Monster that we would take him home, before turning round to check with me that I was happy to drive 5 miles out of my way north of the town before then driving 3 miles south out of my way to his house, before then driving to my home 4 miles east of the town.I was perfectly happy to oblige due to my sobriety and the fact that I really adore these two funny men. " Don't worry" said the Spud Farmer , " I'll stay beside you in case he drops the hand!"...such a gent.
By now I had managed to get the Spud Farmer to don his Tommy Hilfiger, my handbag contained his DVD, the placemat Marie the Moocher had so kindly made for the dancing couples, the copy of his prize winning poem,a copy of the programme for him and under my arm was the empty box Trailer Trash had awared his as a prize. The reversing camera is due to be inserted...sorry installed...next week. The Honey Monster decided to stay and was in full flight with Utterly Butterly, 5 foot 4, Bangin' Barry and The Husband. I managed to get the Spud Farmer to stop taking after about 10 minutes in the car outside his house, kicked him out, saw him through the door before heading home to a sleeping GASP , a Valium and a wee giggle to myself....still giggling today !
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