SCD Celebrity BBQ
Rumour was rife last week that a top secret celebrity event was to take place in the little known hamlet called "The Mills of Louth". Initial suspicion arose when Bangin' Barry was seen checking his reflection in every refelctive surface up the Main street in Ardee, but sources close to the bachelor advised us this was pefectly normal behaviour on his part. The Spud Farmer ( aka Hefner) had allegedly cut short a trip to his country estate in Donegal and the Dancing Butcher was seen to take in vast quantities of Louth Caviar ( ie. pig). The top secret invitations were circulated throuogh an exclusive closed group online, but suggestion that it is in fact a cult were disputed. Among those who had to decline were Macho Martha who was due to be at a Matador event in Spain, Energetic Enda and Sheckles Shekleton who had plans made with Rory Mc Elroy and The Body Poppin' Postman who could not decide if he was "Home or Away" .Paparazzi, in the area behind the spud boxes ,were able to confirm the arrival of numerous guests by minicab at approximately 7.30 last Saturday night to the palatial home of the Honey Monster and Honey Missus. What was thought initially to be a sacrificial lamb turned out to be a pig on a spit and the buffet on the private island in the house apparently had a to be seen to be believed. The ever popular with celebrity couples "Keogh Crisps" were available in extravagant mounds as was white powder......later tested to discover it was in fact sherbet dip from Finlays.
Thanks to the latest listening devices, the following snippets of conversation were overheard within the confines of the security cordon....protected by Halle the dog....named after the Berry not the Comet, I am reliably informed.
An indication of how this evening was going to proceed was when the Dirty Dominatrix was overheard to ask Barry Buttocks if he would like his buns toasted...I kid you not. Marie the Moocher, in a moment of gay abandon, admitted to a chosen few that she had in fact broken the previous cult enforced ,no drinking before a show, rule, by consuming 2 glasses of wine before their last performance, a fact which shocked the other members, who were fully convinced that Calamity Ali had been the guilty party. Bangin' Barry was forced to apologise for starting that rumour before downing yet another Coors Lite...." mindin' my 6 pack lads". Numerous previously unknown secrets in the group were disclosed involving nose injuries, " cock slapping" and eye gouging. MILF Mullarkey at this point made sounds previously only heard in David Attenborough programmes and promptly fell off her stool.
The evening took an very interesting turn when the Honey Monster decided to "host his own show "....recordings are as yet unavailable but bids of € 3.75 have been mentioned. The first "guest" was none other than the Spud Farmer, to the squeels of delight of the women and jealous taunts of the men, his best male title never in jeopardy. The answers he gave shocked, wooed, amazed and amused all present and the influence of some Limoncello consumed earlier in the evening were evident. The " show" finished with a repeat reading of his epic poem, now available "free" on Kindle in the Erotic section and the party continued. Glamour was the order of the day and the KAC Shack's neumerous services were on display, KAC herself sporting a Lady Ga Ga type hairdo whcih wowed the crowd. Masticating Matthews was noted to have "shoes higher then her skirt was long" but that was pure longing. The most interesting story of the evening came directly from Honey Missus the wonderful hostess, who regaled a chosen few with the tale of the Honey Monsters visit to the Spa in the Lyrath Estate, wherein he decided upon a full body massage....this in the days before men did that kind of thing ( in a hotel spa anyway). He was led into the quiet candle lit room, advised to remove his robe and lie on the bed, which he duly did in his usual casual style, flinging his robe across the room to land where it might. The masseur returned some moments later, and exclaimed "what's that smell" only to find that the Honey Monsters robe had landed on a candle and gone on fire !!!!! You could not make it up !
What is next for this very exclusive group is, as yet, unknown but the words " Christmas Panto" were overheard....watch this talented space guys !
Thanks to the latest listening devices, the following snippets of conversation were overheard within the confines of the security cordon....protected by Halle the dog....named after the Berry not the Comet, I am reliably informed.
An indication of how this evening was going to proceed was when the Dirty Dominatrix was overheard to ask Barry Buttocks if he would like his buns toasted...I kid you not. Marie the Moocher, in a moment of gay abandon, admitted to a chosen few that she had in fact broken the previous cult enforced ,no drinking before a show, rule, by consuming 2 glasses of wine before their last performance, a fact which shocked the other members, who were fully convinced that Calamity Ali had been the guilty party. Bangin' Barry was forced to apologise for starting that rumour before downing yet another Coors Lite...." mindin' my 6 pack lads". Numerous previously unknown secrets in the group were disclosed involving nose injuries, " cock slapping" and eye gouging. MILF Mullarkey at this point made sounds previously only heard in David Attenborough programmes and promptly fell off her stool.
The evening took an very interesting turn when the Honey Monster decided to "host his own show "....recordings are as yet unavailable but bids of € 3.75 have been mentioned. The first "guest" was none other than the Spud Farmer, to the squeels of delight of the women and jealous taunts of the men, his best male title never in jeopardy. The answers he gave shocked, wooed, amazed and amused all present and the influence of some Limoncello consumed earlier in the evening were evident. The " show" finished with a repeat reading of his epic poem, now available "free" on Kindle in the Erotic section and the party continued. Glamour was the order of the day and the KAC Shack's neumerous services were on display, KAC herself sporting a Lady Ga Ga type hairdo whcih wowed the crowd. Masticating Matthews was noted to have "shoes higher then her skirt was long" but that was pure longing. The most interesting story of the evening came directly from Honey Missus the wonderful hostess, who regaled a chosen few with the tale of the Honey Monsters visit to the Spa in the Lyrath Estate, wherein he decided upon a full body massage....this in the days before men did that kind of thing ( in a hotel spa anyway). He was led into the quiet candle lit room, advised to remove his robe and lie on the bed, which he duly did in his usual casual style, flinging his robe across the room to land where it might. The masseur returned some moments later, and exclaimed "what's that smell" only to find that the Honey Monsters robe had landed on a candle and gone on fire !!!!! You could not make it up !
What is next for this very exclusive group is, as yet, unknown but the words " Christmas Panto" were overheard....watch this talented space guys !
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