Sweet and Sour
I once, in front of GASP, asked the Financial Advisor if I was " high maintenance". Her response, after only a moments hesitation , was " Well..... not financially !" The cheek of her. As one of my true friends, she is meant to side with me , but on this occasion herself and GASP winked at each other and I was the outcast. You see the FA knows me well and I have my moments. Although to most people I appear to be a very good natured, cheerful, patient and generally happy individual...which is the case a lot of the time.....but then....approximately every 28 days....the emotional tide turns ! In true hormonal female fashion, all venom is aimed at GASP. Today is one of those days. It didn't start well you see, as I was comatose when the younger son burst into the room at 9.40am ( MY lie in today)to advise me that a second new kitten had appeared overnight. His uncontained excitement woke me rather abruptly just as I had , in my dream, cycled on a kids balance bike, past a Porsche to a fabulous ladies evening wear ,shop where I was just about to make a magnificent purchase for my upcoming cousins wedding. I was GUTTED that I did not get to see my frock before being so rudely awoken. I stumbled up the hall to look out through the hall window to see two totally adorable black and white kittens at the wheel of my car. For a moment all was well with the world, and then they disappeared....into the bloody engine ! Not again ! We have been through the trauma of this before and let's just say ,it did not end well. I was distraught...a bit too distraught, but as Oestrogen was involved I was not exactly in control.
This led to 40 minutes outside in my pyjamas , while we contemplated, tried and excluded various ways of extracting said kittens. GASP , god love him, was keener to get them out than anyone, even though he expresses complete disdain in public for said " rodents". I tried the dangling of the dressing gown cord, in the hope that a month old kitten would happily grab it and be hoisted to safety...yeah sure ! GASP looked I horror as I put some dried cat food down onto the engine cover, suggesting it might lead the kittens to come back for food at another time...." Since when were you a cat psychologist ??????!!!!!!" was my reply to this ( in hindsight....he had a point) After much discussion and argument, I consulted the Oracle...GOOGLE. Two plausible suggestions. 1. Jack up the care and "pop" the engine cover. 2. Spray the dry engine with a hose as cats HATE water and will climb out to escape it.
Option 2.was the preferred one so GASP duly fetched the hose, connected it and commenced spraying the engine as younger son and I observed for kittens under the car. One popped out immediately and the other went into a spot whereby GASP could reach down and extract it while it hissed, spat and then bit him, so he generously gave it to me and it duly spat, hissed and bit me. We managed to get the sodden, very angry kitten into our cat carrier and into our wee cat house , and confident that his compadre had scarpered, got ready to head to town. GASP was quite unsure that kitten number 2 had actually escaped, so in no uncertain terms, I advised him I had personally seen him escape. On starting the engine. kitten 2 ( now called Messi, number 1 Neymar)then ran out pausing only to look back as if to say " You were right GASP....ignore that PMT ridden witch sitting beside you !" ( feel free to replace witch with other appropriate rhyming words)
Later in the afternoon, I brought younger son to a party and headed, alone, into town for the shopping, GASP having quite happily offered to stay at home with older son and muttered under his breath...." take your time...in fact...you don't need to come back at all ! " I stormed off to town, to purchase cat repellent spray, to try to prevent a repeat performance of this mornings trauma.
I purchased a good Americano in NOSH, visited the Mad One, who always calms me down and makes me laugh and returned to GASP, who, in the meantime had texted me to say that the kittens now numbered 3 ! On arrival home GASP met me at the door to help unload the shopping...a good move, emptied the shopping and then took the boys outside to play football, while I poured a Merlot and made a Rhubarb crumble pie, just to show him that even the bitterest of things can become sweet with the right ingredients. The car wheels and undercarriage have been sprayed with repellent and GASP is trying to find a similar product online which would work on me !!!
This led to 40 minutes outside in my pyjamas , while we contemplated, tried and excluded various ways of extracting said kittens. GASP , god love him, was keener to get them out than anyone, even though he expresses complete disdain in public for said " rodents". I tried the dangling of the dressing gown cord, in the hope that a month old kitten would happily grab it and be hoisted to safety...yeah sure ! GASP looked I horror as I put some dried cat food down onto the engine cover, suggesting it might lead the kittens to come back for food at another time...." Since when were you a cat psychologist ??????!!!!!!" was my reply to this ( in hindsight....he had a point) After much discussion and argument, I consulted the Oracle...GOOGLE. Two plausible suggestions. 1. Jack up the care and "pop" the engine cover. 2. Spray the dry engine with a hose as cats HATE water and will climb out to escape it.
Option 2.was the preferred one so GASP duly fetched the hose, connected it and commenced spraying the engine as younger son and I observed for kittens under the car. One popped out immediately and the other went into a spot whereby GASP could reach down and extract it while it hissed, spat and then bit him, so he generously gave it to me and it duly spat, hissed and bit me. We managed to get the sodden, very angry kitten into our cat carrier and into our wee cat house , and confident that his compadre had scarpered, got ready to head to town. GASP was quite unsure that kitten number 2 had actually escaped, so in no uncertain terms, I advised him I had personally seen him escape. On starting the engine. kitten 2 ( now called Messi, number 1 Neymar)then ran out pausing only to look back as if to say " You were right GASP....ignore that PMT ridden witch sitting beside you !" ( feel free to replace witch with other appropriate rhyming words)
Later in the afternoon, I brought younger son to a party and headed, alone, into town for the shopping, GASP having quite happily offered to stay at home with older son and muttered under his breath...." take your time...in fact...you don't need to come back at all ! " I stormed off to town, to purchase cat repellent spray, to try to prevent a repeat performance of this mornings trauma.
I purchased a good Americano in NOSH, visited the Mad One, who always calms me down and makes me laugh and returned to GASP, who, in the meantime had texted me to say that the kittens now numbered 3 ! On arrival home GASP met me at the door to help unload the shopping...a good move, emptied the shopping and then took the boys outside to play football, while I poured a Merlot and made a Rhubarb crumble pie, just to show him that even the bitterest of things can become sweet with the right ingredients. The car wheels and undercarriage have been sprayed with repellent and GASP is trying to find a similar product online which would work on me !!!
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