Strictly Done Dancing
This may well be the hardest blog I have ever written. The nature of blogs is that they find amusing things about ordinary life, not as I am about to to do, try to capture the escense of an extraordinary event. Last weekend was Strictly Extraordinary. Friday night saw our dress rehearsal. Now the Mad One had advised me that T.W.I.N.C would not have had a personality change from the Wednesday and would still be narky...oh boy was she right. So much so, that Masticating Matthews threatened to strangle him...Stage 1 of T.W.I.N.C. vs Matthews. The Spud Farmer did manage to cause a moment of hilarity however, when during his first Bee Gee type disco move he caught his afro wig with the tip of his finger and it flew across the stage.Midst much laughter he retrieved the wig, only to put it on backwards and tilted over his eyes, making him look even more rediculous, which was quite an acheievement, based on the fact that he was dressed like a cross between Prince, Scooby Doo and a male Stripper. T.W.I.N.C. managed a giggle before tearing into us for the car crash that was our second group dance. Poor Barry Buttocks got flung in the air, time after time ,as the boys tried to perfect the maddest lift of the whole event, before Macho Martha cracked his head on the floor flipping backwards. Trailer Trash luckily suggested limiting the boys acrobatics so that they might actually survive the event and we eventually left the hotel exhausted, dejected and comparing ways in which we could torture T.W.I.N.C.
Extraordinary Day 2. Strictly Come Dancing......the night itself. T.W.I.N.C had put us all on a beer ban so soberly we arrived into our respective dressing rooms for make up. Calamity Ali, who I know was sober, managed to trip over her own shoelace and hurtle head first into the back of the chair I was being made up in, much to the amusement of all present. What followed was an evening of madness and magnificance. The Spud Farmer and I giggled the whole was through the first group dance, and enjoyed all the mad cheering and applause."Finally all there Bogger" was, at this point in crazy wig number one. Interestingly his hair is actually crazier than any wig he wears. Affectionate Ann and the Husband kicked the evning off with a great Charleston followed Angelic Angela and Trailer Trash. Finally all there Bogger ( in wig number 2) and MILF Mullarkey kicked off disco in style before the Spud Farmer and Marie the Moocher took to the floor, the Spud Farmer flaying about as if he actually wanted to shake off his own hands. Their costumes, styled by the Mad One, were priceless tasteless and fabulous !The sexual tension in the room shot up as the One Legged Scot and Macho Martha demonstrated their Salsa.Macho was like a horny matador as the Scot swirled in front of him. It got even hotter when Calamity Ali and Bangin' Barry( the eligible bachelor) danced like two hormanal rabbits. Women in the audience swooned as Bangin Barry rotated his hardly used hips, and shook his manly torso...the temperatue in the room shot up at that point.
The Swing dance saw the arrival of 5 foot 3 and Bashful Aisling. What a dance...they were electric together and from now I will refer to 5 foot 3 as 5 foot 4, as he truly deserves. Cool Hands Callaghan and Curvy Corbally gave it their all, much to the crowds enjoyment and the praise of the judges.
It was now half time and the Honey Monster and I faced the fact that we were up next. The Honey Monster, dressed as a Mad Doctor, practised his limp up and down the corridor as I gracefully accepted the offer of 4 yoing nubile rugby players to carry me on a stretcher into the ballroom...another bankable image ! To the strains of Bon Jovi Bad Medicine, Dr Honey Monster limped onto the stage and waited for my arrival, supine on a stretcher. His extra large syringe pierced my inflatable red heart and I leaped up, ripped off my hospital gown and took to the stage. We gave the Twist our all and enjoyed every minute and were delighted then to stand back as Lovely Lennon and Lucky to be Alive Smaller Orla rocked their lifts. T.W.I.N.C must have had a couple of pints at half time, as we scored a 10....from T.W.I.N.C., Gorgeous Orla, the Mad MEP and the Dancing Butcher.....amazing ! While we were greeted like Olympians in the Green Room, Groovin' Gary and Anne Alure, The Wife and Dancing Dunne put the country in the country jive. Then came the HIP HOP couples....OMG Utterly Butterly and The Irish Dancer were incredible. Utterly looked like he'd grown up in a ghetto and the Irish Dancer was sizzling hot. Barry Buttocks, who, much to my delight had twerked up the aisle, then worked the floor with Masticating Matthews, who after the dance declared, in her speech, that T.W.I.N.C hated her. T.W.I.N.C vs Matthews Stage 2. The final four...Leggy Leah, Shimmyin' Shane, Energetic Erin and the Body Poppin Postman made the Hand Jive their own.....it was crazily good.
We all then hit the stage again for the second group dance and we nailed it ! The crowd went wild and we hugged, clapped cheered and celebrated. What a night. Leggy Leah and Shimmyin were the ultimate winners but the Honey Monster and I won "Best Entrance", T.W.I.N.C. having remarked that I had a lovely entrance !!!!
I changed into a zip fronted ( was I nuts!) dress and went out to meet GASP ,the man in my life, and lots of locals, full of praise for everyone. After a few scoops in the foyer, we all retired to the hotel bar for the real after party to begin. T.W.I.N.C. at this stage was on the Vodka and Red Bull and was loved by everyone, but I noticed himself anad Masticating Matthews involved in an altercation so decided to intervene. T.W.I.N.C vs Matthews stage 3 involved him drunkenly trying to advise her on curtailing her moods and responses if she was to progress in teaching, which could have been a bit rich coming from him. His attention was averted however, a the sight of my zipped ample cleavage, so he launched himself towards me, yanked down the zip and planted his head in my cleavage, with the enthusiasm of a young calf. I politely removed his wee head and upon examining my chest realised her had in fact broken my zip, forcing me to spend the rest of the evening looking like a hooker !
Bangin Barry had been given the Bridal Suite in the hotel ( oh the irony!). He was keen not to waste the opportunity, especially as he was so tanned, hair coiffured to perfection and guns prominent in his short sleeved shirt. It was not to be, but his efforts were great to observe and his Westlife session with Utterly Butterly a treat for all. T.W.I.N.C vs Matthews was now at stage 4 which seemed to be indicating a mutual begrudging respect phase. The Proprietor of the KAC Shack started buying shots with the Body Poppin Postman...ie. the beginning of the end ! Bashful Aisling was kindly escorted to bed having fallen asleep a the table. Her escort, on entering her room was greeted by a somewhat annoyed young male asking " who are you ?" to which her chivalrous escort replied " who the hell are you ?" only to be advised in no uncertain terms he was talking to Bashful Aislings boyfriend...he bid a hasty retreat ! As I retreated to bed at 5.30 am it was all looking a bit messy. On arriving into my room at 8.30am, having just had breakfast, my room mate was able to advise me that T.W.I.N.C. vs Matthews had reached stage 5.....a climax...I will say no more......apart from " a hole is a hole".
On arriving down in the foyer at 11.00am I met the Husband and Wife eating breakfast, Calamity Ali eating a breakfast roll she had purchased in the garage across the road, Bangin (I got none in the Bridal, even though I've a tan and lovely hair) Barry and his friend Quality Quinn. Masticating Matthews arrived on the scene just as T.W.I.N.C. leared acrosos the table at Quality Quinn, with the comment " If I got up on ya, I'd never get off ya!" Quality Quinn went visibly pale. Matthews looked a tad embarrassed and T.W.I.N.C. pranced off. What a morning !
Night 3 - The After Party. Frank Lynch's was the chosen spot to the after party dinner for the dancers. The Body Poppin Postman, throughout the evening gave out awards, certificates and Oscars ( known as Brians). Barry Buttocks got emotional thanking us all but pulled himself together enough to twerk is perk buttocks for me one last time.....BANK ! The Spud Farmer won best male, Finally ALL there Bogger was not there to collect his "person who missed most training" award. Bashful Aisling won best bum and for some unknown reason the Diva award went to Masticating Matthews. Best Female was the wife, person who got worse as training went on went to Trailer Trash and the One Legged Scot " the person who needs to buy new pants!".
We were thanked again and again by the committee Fabulous Frankie, Affable Alfie, Organised Olivia, the Proprietor of the KAC Shack, Sheckles Shekleton and the Dancing Butcher, but what they don't realise is that, as a group of dancers, who first met on a cold night in January,we got far more than we gave. Taking part in SCD was an amazing experience. We made new firm ( also applies to Barry's Buttocks!) friends, forged new partnerships, learned new tricks, performed wonders, laughed, loved, laughed and then laughed a little more.I got to dance with gentlemen, met wonderful women, loved, loathed a little and ultimately again loved the T.W.I.N.C. I rammed a Honey Monster, leaped up on his back and was told I had a lovely entrance !!!
Plans are afoot so far for a flashmob, old persons party, trip to Puerto Del Carmen and BBQ in Reaghstown....God only knows what we will get up to, but I will relish every opportunity to spend another few hours with these wonderful people. Thank you.....from the Dirty Dominatrix !
Extraordinary Day 2. Strictly Come Dancing......the night itself. T.W.I.N.C had put us all on a beer ban so soberly we arrived into our respective dressing rooms for make up. Calamity Ali, who I know was sober, managed to trip over her own shoelace and hurtle head first into the back of the chair I was being made up in, much to the amusement of all present. What followed was an evening of madness and magnificance. The Spud Farmer and I giggled the whole was through the first group dance, and enjoyed all the mad cheering and applause."Finally all there Bogger" was, at this point in crazy wig number one. Interestingly his hair is actually crazier than any wig he wears. Affectionate Ann and the Husband kicked the evning off with a great Charleston followed Angelic Angela and Trailer Trash. Finally all there Bogger ( in wig number 2) and MILF Mullarkey kicked off disco in style before the Spud Farmer and Marie the Moocher took to the floor, the Spud Farmer flaying about as if he actually wanted to shake off his own hands. Their costumes, styled by the Mad One, were priceless tasteless and fabulous !The sexual tension in the room shot up as the One Legged Scot and Macho Martha demonstrated their Salsa.Macho was like a horny matador as the Scot swirled in front of him. It got even hotter when Calamity Ali and Bangin' Barry( the eligible bachelor) danced like two hormanal rabbits. Women in the audience swooned as Bangin Barry rotated his hardly used hips, and shook his manly torso...the temperatue in the room shot up at that point.
The Swing dance saw the arrival of 5 foot 3 and Bashful Aisling. What a dance...they were electric together and from now I will refer to 5 foot 3 as 5 foot 4, as he truly deserves. Cool Hands Callaghan and Curvy Corbally gave it their all, much to the crowds enjoyment and the praise of the judges.
It was now half time and the Honey Monster and I faced the fact that we were up next. The Honey Monster, dressed as a Mad Doctor, practised his limp up and down the corridor as I gracefully accepted the offer of 4 yoing nubile rugby players to carry me on a stretcher into the ballroom...another bankable image ! To the strains of Bon Jovi Bad Medicine, Dr Honey Monster limped onto the stage and waited for my arrival, supine on a stretcher. His extra large syringe pierced my inflatable red heart and I leaped up, ripped off my hospital gown and took to the stage. We gave the Twist our all and enjoyed every minute and were delighted then to stand back as Lovely Lennon and Lucky to be Alive Smaller Orla rocked their lifts. T.W.I.N.C must have had a couple of pints at half time, as we scored a 10....from T.W.I.N.C., Gorgeous Orla, the Mad MEP and the Dancing Butcher.....amazing ! While we were greeted like Olympians in the Green Room, Groovin' Gary and Anne Alure, The Wife and Dancing Dunne put the country in the country jive. Then came the HIP HOP couples....OMG Utterly Butterly and The Irish Dancer were incredible. Utterly looked like he'd grown up in a ghetto and the Irish Dancer was sizzling hot. Barry Buttocks, who, much to my delight had twerked up the aisle, then worked the floor with Masticating Matthews, who after the dance declared, in her speech, that T.W.I.N.C hated her. T.W.I.N.C vs Matthews Stage 2. The final four...Leggy Leah, Shimmyin' Shane, Energetic Erin and the Body Poppin Postman made the Hand Jive their own.....it was crazily good.
We all then hit the stage again for the second group dance and we nailed it ! The crowd went wild and we hugged, clapped cheered and celebrated. What a night. Leggy Leah and Shimmyin were the ultimate winners but the Honey Monster and I won "Best Entrance", T.W.I.N.C. having remarked that I had a lovely entrance !!!!
I changed into a zip fronted ( was I nuts!) dress and went out to meet GASP ,the man in my life, and lots of locals, full of praise for everyone. After a few scoops in the foyer, we all retired to the hotel bar for the real after party to begin. T.W.I.N.C. at this stage was on the Vodka and Red Bull and was loved by everyone, but I noticed himself anad Masticating Matthews involved in an altercation so decided to intervene. T.W.I.N.C vs Matthews stage 3 involved him drunkenly trying to advise her on curtailing her moods and responses if she was to progress in teaching, which could have been a bit rich coming from him. His attention was averted however, a the sight of my zipped ample cleavage, so he launched himself towards me, yanked down the zip and planted his head in my cleavage, with the enthusiasm of a young calf. I politely removed his wee head and upon examining my chest realised her had in fact broken my zip, forcing me to spend the rest of the evening looking like a hooker !
Bangin Barry had been given the Bridal Suite in the hotel ( oh the irony!). He was keen not to waste the opportunity, especially as he was so tanned, hair coiffured to perfection and guns prominent in his short sleeved shirt. It was not to be, but his efforts were great to observe and his Westlife session with Utterly Butterly a treat for all. T.W.I.N.C vs Matthews was now at stage 4 which seemed to be indicating a mutual begrudging respect phase. The Proprietor of the KAC Shack started buying shots with the Body Poppin Postman...ie. the beginning of the end ! Bashful Aisling was kindly escorted to bed having fallen asleep a the table. Her escort, on entering her room was greeted by a somewhat annoyed young male asking " who are you ?" to which her chivalrous escort replied " who the hell are you ?" only to be advised in no uncertain terms he was talking to Bashful Aislings boyfriend...he bid a hasty retreat ! As I retreated to bed at 5.30 am it was all looking a bit messy. On arriving into my room at 8.30am, having just had breakfast, my room mate was able to advise me that T.W.I.N.C. vs Matthews had reached stage 5.....a climax...I will say no more......apart from " a hole is a hole".
On arriving down in the foyer at 11.00am I met the Husband and Wife eating breakfast, Calamity Ali eating a breakfast roll she had purchased in the garage across the road, Bangin (I got none in the Bridal, even though I've a tan and lovely hair) Barry and his friend Quality Quinn. Masticating Matthews arrived on the scene just as T.W.I.N.C. leared acrosos the table at Quality Quinn, with the comment " If I got up on ya, I'd never get off ya!" Quality Quinn went visibly pale. Matthews looked a tad embarrassed and T.W.I.N.C. pranced off. What a morning !
Night 3 - The After Party. Frank Lynch's was the chosen spot to the after party dinner for the dancers. The Body Poppin Postman, throughout the evening gave out awards, certificates and Oscars ( known as Brians). Barry Buttocks got emotional thanking us all but pulled himself together enough to twerk is perk buttocks for me one last time.....BANK ! The Spud Farmer won best male, Finally ALL there Bogger was not there to collect his "person who missed most training" award. Bashful Aisling won best bum and for some unknown reason the Diva award went to Masticating Matthews. Best Female was the wife, person who got worse as training went on went to Trailer Trash and the One Legged Scot " the person who needs to buy new pants!".
We were thanked again and again by the committee Fabulous Frankie, Affable Alfie, Organised Olivia, the Proprietor of the KAC Shack, Sheckles Shekleton and the Dancing Butcher, but what they don't realise is that, as a group of dancers, who first met on a cold night in January,we got far more than we gave. Taking part in SCD was an amazing experience. We made new firm ( also applies to Barry's Buttocks!) friends, forged new partnerships, learned new tricks, performed wonders, laughed, loved, laughed and then laughed a little more.I got to dance with gentlemen, met wonderful women, loved, loathed a little and ultimately again loved the T.W.I.N.C. I rammed a Honey Monster, leaped up on his back and was told I had a lovely entrance !!!
Plans are afoot so far for a flashmob, old persons party, trip to Puerto Del Carmen and BBQ in Reaghstown....God only knows what we will get up to, but I will relish every opportunity to spend another few hours with these wonderful people. Thank you.....from the Dirty Dominatrix !
Comments
Post a Comment