Lessons Learned

Right, so the time has come for me to return to work following my recovery from illness. This forced period of absence from work has taught me a lot, made me contemplate and given me the space to think... for a change ! So firstly, what have I learned.
1. If you feel like you might actually pass out, it is probably sensible not to take a shower alone before you set out to the doctor on call.
2. The reason you shave your pits, bits and legs regularly is in preparation for this moment. Keep it up.
3 When choosing your outfit to go to Doc on Call, never presume you will be coming home afterwards. However ill you are pay attention to your outfit...layers are a good idea as you will go from hot to freezing if you have a temperature and lying all night on a trolley in a wool jumper is hell.
4. Basically all of the above reminded me that everyone should have a hospital bag packed at all times, not just for childbirth. Treat every day as a potential admission day and in your car have a bag packed with a matching/coordinating set of cotton pyjamas and light dressing gown, an unopened pack of Marks and Spencers cotton high leg knickers ( high leg facilitate hip injections) . Stick to white, no need for fanciness. Have travel sized products so you don't have to carry the family size,half used shampoo, conditioner and shower gel in one hand while operating a drip stand in the other. A new toothbrush is a must, as is mouthwash, as a lot of people will ask you to take deep breaths and halitosis is horrid.

Should you opt to ignore this preparation and , with gay abandon, accept what comes, you will end up in smelly well worn slippers, brown very old satin pyjamas with a thermal purple dressing gown, under which are grey polyester full briefs, hairy legs and and how shall I put it...."an unkempt garden". Your very kind family and friends will bring in further multi-coloured slogan laden pyjamas which beautifully outline your sagging breasts and the slippers you request will be maroon with embroidery on their rounded toe. I kid you not !

Other possible additions to your hospital bag are 2 bottles of deodorant, a safety razor as antibiotics seem to make body hair grow at a serious rate, something to tie up your manky hair until you can have a shower + perfume as there are in fact some dishy doctors. It is actually worth packing your own electric extension lead, as old hospitals have a serious shortage of accessible plugs and if you are unlucky enough to have your cannula on the " wrong side" you will nearly rupture yourself trying to reach over to the plug on one side of your bed, while holding out your other arm to stop the drip pulling out, leading you to look like an airplane banking to the right .

Other suggestion....never order the chicken curry in hospital...however much you think it would be lovely, you will automatically feel worse when the metal lid is lifted off it.
Old piece of advice...from previous occasion...the gown they give you for a chest x ray is only for your top half...so only remove clothing from your top half ! I certainly made that radiographers day....


So girls, what did I learn in the time I was in hospital and then recuperating ? GASP is perfectly capable of managing without me.....imagine ! Your workplace does not come to a grinding halt just because you do, so might I suggest that the things which keep you awake at night , don't seem to bother anyone else . It is a bit stupid to allow/let/drive yourself get to the point of collapse before calling a halt or asking for a break. In a career of 24 years (so far) everyone should have at least a whole month off every few years . Netflix is FANTASTIC. Good magazines are great. Cheap magazines are dire. There is nothing like your own bed. A cup of tea brought to you at 5 am is medicine...it will make you feel better. It's lovely to be minded, missed and cared for. Allowing others to mind, miss and care for you makes them feel good too. Proper, night long, sound sleep is a great healer. Girlfriends are great, laughter is lovely and a good cry is allowed/ required every so often. I am not sure burning our bras was such a good idea, as in our efforts to manage it all, we miss out a bit, so I am promising myself that I will have more fun, more rest, care a little less, party a little more and seriously consider having my breasts lifted up and forwards especially for pyjama wearing.....I was nearly able to tuck them into the waistband of my " Here Comes Trouble" pink striped ones !

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