Bratastic !

Following my period of enforced hospitalisation, I became very aware of the sad state of affairs that was my underwear shelf. I had only one,new shiny white t shirt bra, which was in any way decent, and as it was a "full cup" it was huge, unattractive and an actual form of contraception in itself. The grumpy lady I had approached in Marks and Spencer's one morning, did not know if she had the time to measure me as only 2 others had turned up to work, as opposed to 3 and she had stock to sort....LIKE I CARED ! I was under pressure, under stress and now without underwear as I realised I had flown out of the house that morning in a black bra and jumper, the top I had to change into for an after work do was white...hence my need to purchase. Under duress, she sighed heavily and escorted me to the changing room and measured me at a 42C.....a disaster in measurement terms. M+S has one, yes ONE bra to fit me, as I am apparently so huge across my back would need to approach a scaffolding company to support me. You see it's alright to be a 32 - 38 A - C or a 32 - 38 DD - GG ( stands for Good God!) but having a broad back is a definite handicap, even though my cup size is conservative. Being a tall well proportioned size 16 woman is apparently just too freaky for the bra world of the highstreet retailer.
Hilariously also, small breasted very small women have to reach the top shelf for their bra, whereas those endowed with massive bosoms have to drop forward to the floor, their nipples dragging on the parquet to find their size on the bottom rung at the very back...the injustice! So M+S woman handed me in the full cup 42C bra which in my haste I tried on, reckoned it would do and purchased...mistake ! The cup was so full it resembled a hammock for nesting kittens in and so wide it chaffed along the skin along my pecs something horrid. It was a "minimiser" ...for a C cup ???? and gave so little support and definition that it appeared I had placed a 12 inch sub across my midriff. What to do ?
One of the advantages of prolonged house arrest is that online shopping is handy and very entertaining, so off I went googling in order to gain the support required for my totally non perky, sagging, sad boobs. The chosen Littlewoods Ireland had 334 bras, but when my search refined to 42C I was left with 44 ...all good. A lot of scrolling and I came across my new favourite thing on earth...The Playtex Contour Perfection Underwired Bra......" the innovative bra that fills your cup to the top. Padding positioned in the top part of the cup moulds to the breast and restores LOST BREAST FULLNESS - something which can occur naturally through breast feeding ( check) weight loss ( check) health issues or simple gravity ( the bastard!) Now I could only get nude or black,but I ordered the nude for the summer season and awaited its arrival with baited breasts...sorry breath. Oh the joy...it has a wee gorgeous pouch of padding at the top and where used to be a sloping, stretchmarked, ski jump above my breasts is now ...well...more breast ! Fake but fantastic...my " never been pert" breasts have a fullness which the old greying stretched contents of my underwear shelf had failed to provide. I was now more Marilyn Monroe than Mrs. Brown and I liked it. It led to a frenzied replacement of all my bras. I got a black one and bought the matching knickers ( well I am recovered now...way hay!), a white lacy and peach lacy bra...with matching knickers !!!! Out went the 42 D purple and white padded bras from which my boobs fell out of,if I lay on my side, the black striped most expensive bra I had ever bought....4 years old, the flesh pinching bras, the double boob bras, the " have you actually got a bra on ?" bras , the thongs to match the bras I never wore, the grey previously white knickers, the dirt coloured previously nude knickers, the pull me in, suck me up, kill me slowly Bridget Jones knickers, the no VPL but no way to keep them up knickers, the low slung can't find anything to hold onto knickers and the wedding weight knickers...won't be needed again ! I now own " Lingerie", GASP smiles more often these evenings and if I am hit by a bus, the paramedics will remark how well coordinated and prepared I was for the event :)