Couch to 5***k

Having recently recovered from a bout of illness, I had decided that Health and Fitness were my new priority ( mentally and physically....and hormonally !). I was scouting around for something to suit me, my ability ( minimal) and an activity which would fit around the family schedule . The 5 year old had performed brilliantly on stage in his end of year " show" which was just fabulous, we were well through the football blitzes and the summer holidays had started...bigfoodiemama time. Facebook alerted me to the fact that one of the local football clubs were starting a Couch to 5k. Perfect ! They said Monday nights....check, €2 per night....check, for people of all age and ability...check and in 10 weeks I would be able to run a 5 k and then get plastered at the after party...CHECK !.Taking this very seriously I contacted the Mad One who jumped at the chance of getting out of the house, even if she had to run . Off I went last week to register myself and forge the signature of the Mad One suggesting she accepted all the T & C's she had not read. Then they sat us down, gave some worthwhile advice re: pacing yourself, what to do if you got injured, where we would meet, who would be leading etc. Then they handed out the schedule.....for Monday, Wednesday AND Friday nights...hurdle number 1. Blimey, this was more than I bargained for ,but what the hell and I decided not to tell the Mad One until she showed up night one, for fear of her deserting me.
D Day arrived Monday night and about 200 women in lurid lycra showed up clutching their water bottles and giggling. Fake tan and make up perfect they looked like they were extras for FAME the Musical and it was all very pleasant. Our warm up was also pleasant and then of we went Running for one minute, walking for a minute and a half and then we repeated that 7 more times ! We cooled down, stretched and the Mad One and I felt fab. My Ventolin Inhaler stored in the gap between my ample bosom and the sports contraption to stop the puppies jiggling, was not required, and I really thought I had reincarnated into Sonia O'Sullivan...the joy ! In true celebratory fashion the Mad One and I headed to a pub opening up the town for a swift half before toddling home to our hubbies...who were surprised we had actually survived.
The morning after I felt good, but this morning a mild ache in the quads suggested to me that tonight's event may be a little different....how right I was. Move forward to Wednesday, night 2....25 degree heat, women as lurid but not as giggly as they introduced Mr. Boot Camp....the bastard...whose idea of a warm up is jumping jacks, press ups, lunges, squats....repeat.....in 25 degrees ! My legs were now a little wobbly before I had even started. The Mad One had pissed of to AC/DC so I was left to motivate myself. The whistle blew and off we went.....the 60 seconds was no laughing matter...it seemed to go on forever and each one in turn appeared longer. I was breathing through the pain until a fly decided to take my port tunnel and nearly choked me. By now the sweat is running of me, there is a furnace on my chest where the supportive garments are, my fringe is stuck to my forehead, my legs are aching and you could fry an egg on my ass....my wobbly jiggly quivery ass ! When the final whistle blew I stumbled to the cool down. I was tempted to pour my large sports bottle of water down over myself but I reckon it may have looked like a scene from The Naked Gun so sipped it quietly (because I could not speak) and happily headed back to my automobile. I have realised that I am more Couch to Special K than 5 k but I am determined...watch this space....and check the deaths !