I am what I feel !!

This weekend I have a pain in the ass and I am a pain in the ass. I am blessed with PMT and PS...yes the deadly, rarely simultaneously occurring, Pre Menstrual Tension and Piriformis Syndrome. PMT is the cute abbreviation for Oestrogen Induced Manic Depressive Bipolar Psychotic Syndrome and PS Piriformis Syndrome....an actual excruciating pain in the middle of your buttock...I kid you not. Now the combination of both is actually deadly...for all those within a 10 foot radius, as the PMS wants you to be left alone to sit in peace, but the PS makes sitting very uncomfortable and causes you to leap up clutching your buttock like a mad woman, making your family flee for cover in case you have weapon down your pants like in the westerns. Poor GASP is moving quietly around the house , trying to blend in with walls and furniture since I advised him that this weekend would be fraught with hormonal highs and lows, to which he bravely replied " Sure I thought you were nearly dried up at this stage " !!!!****>>>>???? The look in my eyes ( similar to Uma Thurman in Kill Bill Vol 1 as she bludgeoned the head of a prison guard to death in a metal door) made him bid a hasty retreat to the yard to stroke his bullocks and he has been careful not to stand directly in front of me since. The poor fella hasn't got a chance, as previously he could at least have checked his calendar for the " bad week"...now he has just ripped all the pages of his diary and molded them into a papier mache shield in the hope it might protect him....NO CHANCE !
PS is a well known problem for those known as " athletes". Piriformis Syndrome is where a muscle which crosses your entire buttock goes into spasm and presses on your sciatic nerve....NOT funny. I have been foam rolling, rubbing my buttock up and down the wall on a sliotar and lying on the floor, knees bent, one leg cocked over the other looking like a human pretzel as I stretch my own bum. I have rubbed in anti-inflammatory gel, GASP having refused to take the chance and this week plan to let Vicious Vicki loose on my right butt cheek, all in an effort to continue training for the Boyne 10k on May 1st. I have turned into one of those mad demented running types who cannot stop training, but have promised myself that after tonights 8k I will only swim this week, in an effort to soothe my soul and my Kim Kardashian ( if only this condition came with bilateral taut buttock swelling !)
I am hoping that both PMS and PS are well and truly gone by next weekend, so that the smiling, kind, loving BFM returns, her bottom pain free and her head calm and quiet, ready to tackle her final long run before the 10k May bank holiday weekend....GASP is praying to St. Jude as I type !