bigfoodiemama

2015...what a year. In this, my 45th year on the planet, I played many roles. As well as my usual roles of mother, wife, daughter and blogger I was also a victim, a patient, a runner, a model and a judge. This year saw me at my most stressed ever, my sickest ever ( yes, of course they are connected), my fittest ever and my most philosophical. What did I learn ? I learned that I am not indestructible, I care a bit too much about what others think of me , that your real friends come to the fore in a crisis, that your family are all it comes down to when the s**t hits the fan, that your health is priceless and that I am very lucky. I am rich beyond money, wealthy beyond precious jewels and that I should be grateful on so many fronts. This year we started a little ritual at our kitchen table, at dinner each evening of each , in turn, saying what we are grateful for. It is a little but important part of our day now and even on the hardest days, it is great to find something positive to end

The adorable Jackhammer Jones phoned some weeks ago, to ask if GASP and I would attend his 50th birthday. I was honoured and privileged that he phoned ( I thought someone had died!) and immediately said yes, dizzy with the excitement of meeting up with my other family, in my other home of Oswestry, in Shropshire. That evening I mentioned it to GASP, who said he'd like to come along ! Those of you who know GASP, know that this was a monumental development as he is happiest at home, stroking his bullocks, reading the Journal. I was thrilled, as the mere thought of 36 hours in my husbands company had me excited...not bad in our 13th year of marriage ! Now, those who might be more sceptical, might suggest his enthusiasm to come with me, might have more to do with the fact that Jackhammer Jones is a handsome, single 50 year old...ya see where I'm goin' ??? Rumour had always been rife that Jackhammer and I had some romantic connection...(actually completely untrue ! ) but worth

At 8.30 on a sunny , cold, fogy morning four Marathon Mary's met in Lidl car park, piled into one car and headed off into the sunrise to take part in their first Parkrun. Previously at this time on a Saturday morning these four warriors would have been either asleep, hungover or both but now rose like athletic goddesses to take to the cross country track. We arrived, about 45 minutes too early and parked up in Oldbridge on the grass, speechless with the beauty of the view of the estate, the Boyne bridge and the sun glinting through the clouds...it was breathtaking and at that moment it felt really good to be alive. I stepped out of the car to open the boot, to be greeted by a fellow runner who asked " are you ready for the pain ???" " Oh, I said, please don't mention pain as we are Virgins" I heard myself utter. He looked at me strangely and trotted off. It was at that moment that I realised the value of such events for the single ladies, and by the look on

PERI MENOPAUSAL ! OH YES ! Just when you think you have it sorted, your kids are big enough for you to actually enjoy a day out, you're broke but want for nothing, you're the fittest you've been in years, you've kept the 2 stone off for 2 whole years and Nadia has won the Great British Bake Off.....the fff*** hormones strike. The clues were there.....! "Am I the only one who finds it very warm in here?" I asked repeatedly at work, only to be told that yes I was. The heating has been switched off in my office and I relish walking in there to the cool. I have to have a window open at night for fear I might actually suffocate in my apparently airless bedroom. If you asked GASP however he may point to one particular feature. The one week out of every four he actually fears for his life has become a lot harder to predict. Now it can happen ANYTIME ! The mere request for some mayonnaise on a sandwich the other night saw the bread knife point straight upwards and gli

So the weekend had arrived when we were heading off to celebrate the Blonde's big birthday. Myself, The Wicker Keepers Mott ( WKM), the Financial Advisor (FA), Vanilla Ice and the Blonde headed off Friday afternoon to the mystery venue of Mullingar ! .....Yes, Mullingar !We checked into the lovely spacious apartments of the Annebrook House Hotel, popped open the bubbly and the party began. Night one saw us dine in the hotel restaurant, exclaiming over the dark brown bread like an ICA committee and thoroughly enjoying Seafood Bon Bons, Pork Belly, Butternut Squash Risotto and other such delights. Needless to say we had to wash it down, so a couple of bottles of the house wine did the trick. The FA and I who were sharing one apartment headed off to bed after a long weeks work, leaving the other 3 to enjoy a few more tipples two doors up. As a woman who had spent the previous night in a single bed with a nearly 6 year old, I was in my element at the prospect of an undisturbed nights

Cantering Clare, MILF Mullarkey, Trotting Tracey, the BG and myself, still glowing from our first ever 5K decided to take part in this weekends 5K charity event. By committing to another 5 K so quickly after the first we were convinced, a) we could manage it and b) we were now athletes ! We gathered in the local football filled with all the other walkers, runners, cyclists and over our compulsory Jaffa Cake decided the first hill, about 200m into the run, was far too severe to actual run up, so we would use it as our warm up and run the rest. This was all very well but we forgot how excited we get when someone shout "Go" and shot off like women at an Arnott's Sale. Moments later I realised ,in shock, that I was actually running up a hill and that it was actually alright...so on we went. Yet again the BG, Trotting and myself took up the front row with the eminently sensible Cantering Clare and MILF Mullarkey taking up the rear ( unfortunate term!) Now, I could be wrong b

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Saturday September 5th 2015 will forever be remembered by the Marathon Mary's. On that momentous day we completed the 5K we had spent 10 weeks training for. I was excited and nervous that morning and had an omelette for breakfast and my usual good coffee, and strolled out the back door for some fresh air, only to here GASP say " If you come out to the year I'll give you a bit " ! Well, I thought...has he no respect for the pre race ban on sexual activity???...turns out he was talking to the bullock peering over the ditch at the back of the house, and was referring to a bucket of meal ..... GASP took off with the two boys to have his car NCT done ,so I had some time to mentally prepare myself for the day ahead, thoughts of Heart Attack Hill invading my brain. I drove to BMM's house, on that very hill, to collect my t shirt and race number ( no.114) and realised the next time I climbed it would be on foot....gulp ! The Marathon Mary's looked totally fab in thei

" I really hope Gentle Gary finishes us off" uttered one of the Marathon Mary's last Wednesday....you and me both girlfriend, and last night he did just that ! In his lovely bobble hat, he cajoled, encouraged and urged the Marathon Mary's to the 30 minute run....YES... 30 MINUTES !!!!!!Only Gentle Gary could have got me there, slowly, kindly building up to this fantastic climax....of running !! I was so delighted I gasped " I love you Gary" as he blew his final whistle, a sound I had been waiting for....for about 29 minutes at that stage. What a high ! I felt great, was delighted I had taken the decision to rest ( ie. drink wine, bake cakes, throw birthday parties and sleep) for the past few days in preparation for this. It was so worth it. Of course, my excitement is a little premature , as the main event is actually on Saturday ...the 5 K. Sonia O'Sullivan is coming ! She has heard there is competition for her crown no doubt . Gentle suggested strongl

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Ah there's nothing like an experienced man ! As we gathered, like a flock of hens, around the Silver Fox , he gently advised us to take it "Nice and Easy" . " "Nice and Easy" he said again capturing us under his spell. He warmed us up slowly and expertly, until we were mere chicken tenders in his hands. Because of this, none of us thought to ask him what exactly he expected of us this evening, so we got to clucking between ourselves, heads bobbing and ducking as we wondered would it be a 10, 5, 10...would he go 12 and 12 ,or go the whole way to 22 without stopping....ooooh the fear of the unknown! Shortly after the whistle blew the wily old Silver Fox told us we were on a 15 minute run....oh boy ! His positive encouragement and occasional " well done, you are doing great" were the key to our managing our longest run to date. Bewitched by him, we took off for the following 5 minute run with smiles on our faces, but you should never trust a fox ! A

Yes, Yes, I know I posted earlier today but sometimes material just presents itself to you and you have to write. Off I went to meet the Marathon Marys in the Fair Green and up arrives Marie the Moocher. I was, yet again , complaining about how hard I found Monday night, when MTM advised me that she too found it hard especially, she felt because of her new " special" running cropped pants. "Why so special" I asked naively , only for MTM to advise us that these "special" pants were designed to increase your amount of sweating while running, thereby aiding weight loss. Well, a few ears pricked up at this and I proceeded to feel MTM's leg, to find her pants felt like a wet suit. " Where did you get them? " we begged to know. "Done Deal" said MTM...." Done Deal" I exclaimed thinking MTM had totally lost itand was now purchasing the second hand running gear of a fellow athlete who died while training for their C25K. " Dea

September 5th ...it's in my sights. I am already imagining it. I lie in bed at night dreaming of it. I see myself in the bright yellow Marathon Mary's t shirt, legs tired, body sweating.... struggling but satisfied. FINALLY, I think, I've reached the pinnacle of 10 weeks training, 10 weeks of being caressed by Gentle Gary, abused by Rapid Ronan, cheered up by Jolly Joan, battered by Mr. Boot Camp...the bastard, chatted up by the Golfing Rumpsteak, blown at by Little Big Horn, encouraged by the Dusky Digger, lapped by the Silver Fox, silently stalked by Feline Foggy and overtaken by Macho Malone. My day had finally come and the rewards would be great. In my dream I see myself, pushing past others, striving to get to the line, being elbowed by a couple of other Marathon Mary's as I reach forward desperate to get there...I finally do and shout at the top of my voice " Bottle of Bud please barman..." Yes, I've made it to the bar in the Mary's for the C25K

Bless me Father...I must have sinned.....that is the only explanation I have for the punishment rained down on me last night at the hands of Rapid Ronan. Mother of God ! I arrived down to the Fair Green delighted that the aches and strains from earlier in the week had disappeared, and I was ready for running. Rapid warmed us up gently...good start...must be listening to us? "Right ladies, tonight is a 10, 8, 4, 2 minute session" . Now, at this stage no one trusts Rapid Ronan and one of the Marathon Mary's walked up to him and asked how many minutes would be in between those runs...." "2 minutes" he said, "about 90 seconds"...now I don't know what school of Maths Rapid went to , but in my education days 2 minutes was in fact 120 seconds. I decided not to take this up with him so early in the evening...in case he would take it out on me ! I called him a few names under my breath and off we went. The first 10 mins were hard but the first run al

Last night I recreated a scene from a movie. I know that you , understandably, are thinking " Chariots of Fire" or Rocky running up the steps, "The Long Run" or "Endurance ", but you would be wrong. Before I set out for C25K last night I gathered my running gear, only to find that my cropped support sports top/bra which I wear over my control bra, was in the wash....what to do? I noted the bad weather and decided to take out a long forgotten elasticated vest top, which was very snug in nature, so, in my opinion, perfect for the job of keeping the puppies in check...It was ! I started out on my 10 ( yes 10!) minute run and offended no-one with my chest, although I did cop the Golfing Rumpsteak trying to look ! A few minutes in and a particular film scene came to mind...You see, the elasticated, tight, woven vest top, worn over my bra and under my lurid pink top had the notable effect of greatly increasing my body temperature, until I was tearing at my clo

Now how cute are these shoes ???? I cannot believe that my previous addiction for heels, wedges, mules, bows, sling backs and glitter has been overtaken with a desire for a supportive, medial arch providing, shock absorbing runner ! I loooove my new trainers. Yet again I advertise for Elvery's with gay abandon. Talking of gay, I have a new girl crush...Jolly Joan..... an athletic angel. It was my first experience with JJ last night and oh boy did she deliver. The thing I liked most though, was the fact that she was encouraging, positive, cheerful, smiley and lovely...apart from her lunges...too long and too deep for me anyway ! I was all excited last night as I went back to the Fair Green, after an enforced exit due to a knackered back last week.( note to self, avoid bath plugs). I had been to Lidl and purchased the "running socks"...imagine...socks that would help you run ! They had gorgeous little pink padded bits all over them which would sooth my pressure points, ti

GARY, COME BACK ! This was uttered from a few mouths this evening as Little Big Horn started waving his arms in the air and bending forwards again. I'll give it a go I thought ,reckoning I could cope with a heftier warm up as I knew what was coming...but I did NOT because ( as I thought) LBH had gone off schedule. "So ladies, it's 8 minutes twice with a five minute walk in between" ,he said and like sheep we nodded and off we went. I was gravely concerned at my ability to do 8 full minutes "running" but I managed. I was helped along though by the sight of a male runner, still pink from his Tour D'Italia, the Golfing Rumpsteak ( who likes to be known as Grrr!) . He strode out like an Italian Stallion and his running prowess inspired me to keep up and carry on. I owe him a debt of gratitude, but would prefer to show my thanks to Gentle Gary given a choice ! Little Big Horn got all masculine, dominant and sweary for the warm down. The ladies secretly loved

One of my mantras is " There's no such thing as bad weather, just a bad choice in clothes". I repeated this to myself at regular intervals last night, as I folded myself and the extremely large Elvery's Sports Poncho into my car for the Monday night run. Based on my recent bout of chestiness, the fact there was torrential rain at our house and out of a sense of love, protection and devotion ( I hope!) GASP advised me that, under no circumstances was I going running, unless suitably attired. Over my full length running leggings, tight bra, even tighter sports support bra and pink lycra top I donned a MASSIVE pale grey poncho, previously purchased in Croke Park, in similar inclement circumstances. I am a big girl but this poncho could happily house a small family with pets without anyone getting wet, but I had to agree, kiss his cheek lovingly and set off, in the hope that this was what people wore running in the rain....not so ! I arrived onto the Fair Green,just as a

Direct quote " Rapid Ronan my arse...more like Roadkill Ronan. I am dead and my feet will never function again !" . Direct quote number 2 " My poor legs !!!" It appears my enforced absence due to a chest infection could not have been timed better . Having felt a bit dodgy Wednesday evening I decided to return to the couch on my C25K journey. It was a good idea and as a member of the medical profession, I would recommend any runner taking this advice. By Thursday evening I felt fine again, so decided the Thursday night GAA training session for my sons was a perfect opportunity to continue my quest. It was a quiet evening thankfully, as it is a little daunting demonstrating your running prowess ( or lack thereof) in front of your local parish....especially the fit Dad's ( the term Fit only applies to actual physical fitness !!!) . Off I took, while GASP watched the boys ( ie. chatted up the Mum's)and happily did run 1, 2 and 3 while Marlene ( pronounced Marla

I LOVE Gentle Gary ! Ah yes, a man who warms you up slowly, lets you take it at your own pace, advises you to slow down, so you can make it to the finish, encourages you as you reach the finish and congratulates you when you do !! What's not to love ? Last night he had 150 women like putty in his hands. The first night of week 4 had come and boy was I nervous. The 3 minute run ...I knew I could handle, but the 5 minute run was a completely new venture for me and I could not convince myself that I would make it....BUT I DID ! I could not believe the pride within me as I managed it, redfaced... yes, puffing... yes, aching... yes but I did it. And so did everyone else. All around me were smiling faces of achievement, alot less expletives than usual and a general feeling of well being. Born a B*****S was there but I have renamed him the Dusky Digger due to his natural tan and I no longer hold him in contempt, as he ran every inch of the way with us. The Dancing Butcher offered to give

So I bought a Strap On. We were off on holidays you see and I was conscious that I did not want to lose my stride, so I bought a black cheap strap on. I didn't want to spend too much initially as I wanted to make sure it would fit, would not slip out and would keep me entertained while vigorously at it. What can I say.. it did ! My €4 telephone arm band fitted like a glove, my S6 slipped into it beautifully and once plugged in , my headphones provided me with all the inspiring tracks required to ensure I stuck to my C25K schedule while in Rosslare on me holiers. Of course, strapping it on is one thing, actually running is another. Monday evening after a day at the beach, I suggested that GASP take the boys to the playground and I would run around the ideally placed football pitch next door. There was an actual running track you could pay a fiver to hire for a hour, but I decided this would draw attention, as if I was meant to be some kind of a professional, I would not be able to r

Week 2. I was ready. I had the schedule learned off by heart so was looking forward (?) to running for 1.5 minutes followed by a 2 minute walk and repeating that 6 times….do-able ! The Mad One had not re appeared since AC/DC citing a football blitz or the like, so off I went tout seul to continue my journey towards the 5 k. I entered the Fair Green via the ramp behind 3 ladies who were coming for the first time. They were warmly greeted by a friend of theirs who said “ It’s F*****g TORTURE…your first night could be your last !” So much for encouragement. I was expecting to see Gentle Gary, but instead the Silver Fox and Little Big Horn took charge. The Silver Fox warmed us up….bit too much jogging for my like… I was saving my energy for God’s sake….. before Little Big Horn took charge sounding the air horn to mark the change from run to walk. I was doing alright, but noticed the 2 minute walk felt more like 1 minute….because it was only 1 minute….had no one read the schedule ??? I m

So tonight I spent the evening with Rapid Ronan......and it was very interesting ! You see, after Wednesday nights trauma with Mr. Boot Camp....the bastard....I was somewhat nervous that he would re appear to torture me, but no,up comes Rapid Ronan. I thought things were taking a funny turn when I saw all the ladies throwing their keys in a bucket....I do not jest. Rapid Ronan came over and asked us all to take our places in a circle around him for a "gentle warm up" .....mmmm! Now, like any woman,I like to start gently, and the ladies on the section of the circle watching Rapid from behind seemed particularly pleased this evening, the grins frozen on their faces as he " gently" bent over. Then things took a horrible turn. You see, no one had given Rapid the schedule, so instead of the pace we were all used to, he became very demanding and "gently" changed to gung ho...he went at us hammer and tongs. How one man could get so many women breathless, panting,

Having recently recovered from a bout of illness, I had decided that Health and Fitness were my new priority ( mentally and physically....and hormonally !). I was scouting around for something to suit me, my ability ( minimal) and an activity which would fit around the family schedule . The 5 year old had performed brilliantly on stage in his end of year " show" which was just fabulous, we were well through the football blitzes and the summer holidays had started...bigfoodiemama time. Facebook alerted me to the fact that one of the local football clubs were starting a Couch to 5k. Perfect ! They said Monday nights....check, €2 per night....check, for people of all age and ability...check and in 10 weeks I would be able to run a 5 k and then get plastered at the after party...CHECK !.Taking this very seriously I contacted the Mad One who jumped at the chance of getting out of the house, even if she had to run . Off I went last week to register myself and forge the signature of

So the day had come to celebrate the wedding of my cousin ,the Pretty Patissiere and Lucky Leonard ( lucky entirely based on the fact that he has joined our amazing family!) . The wedding was taking place in Wicklow, so BMM ( big mamas mama) GASP and I set off at midday, in the knowledge that the Mad One and the Spud Farmer were following behind. The usual pre wedding activities had taken place i.e. exfoliation, shaving, plucking, moisturising, nail painting and tan application. Appointments were booked for hair and make up on the morning and a pretty little vintage hairband with netting purchased. GASP followed his usual pre wedding routine also...he dry cleaned his suit...period !BMM looked gorge in coral, I rocked a black and blush pink dress and GASP looked like Daniel Craig in his black tie attire. I had plans to examine his concealed weapons later in the evening ! Off we went down the N11 where plans to stop for a bite to eat changed when we faced road works and some very length

I once, in front of GASP, asked the Financial Advisor if I was " high maintenance". Her response, after only a moments hesitation , was " Well..... not financially !" The cheek of her. As one of my true friends, she is meant to side with me , but on this occasion herself and GASP winked at each other and I was the outcast. You see the FA knows me well and I have my moments. Although to most people I appear to be a very good natured, cheerful, patient and generally happy individual...which is the case a lot of the time.....but then....approximately every 28 days....the emotional tide turns ! In true hormonal female fashion, all venom is aimed at GASP. Today is one of those days. It didn't start well you see, as I was comatose when the younger son burst into the room at 9.40am ( MY lie in today)to advise me that a second new kitten had appeared overnight. His uncontained excitement woke me rather abruptly just as I had , in my dream, cycled on a kids balance bike,