Oh Me Oh My !

So the weekend had arrived when we were heading off to celebrate the Blonde's big birthday. Myself, The Wicker Keepers Mott ( WKM), the Financial Advisor (FA), Vanilla Ice and the Blonde headed off Friday afternoon to the mystery venue of Mullingar ! .....Yes, Mullingar !We checked into the lovely spacious apartments of the Annebrook House Hotel, popped open the bubbly and the party began. Night one saw us dine in the hotel restaurant, exclaiming over the dark brown bread like an ICA committee and thoroughly enjoying Seafood Bon Bons, Pork Belly, Butternut Squash Risotto and other such delights. Needless to say we had to wash it down, so a couple of bottles of the house wine did the trick. The FA and I who were sharing one apartment headed off to bed after a long weeks work, leaving the other 3 to enjoy a few more tipples two doors up. As a woman who had spent the previous night in a single bed with a nearly 6 year old, I was in my element at the prospect of an undisturbed nights sleep. (the true reason working mothers go away!) However, it was not to be. At about 5 am some post wedding revellers proceeded down the hallway, entered their apartments and a few moments later a rhythmical banging started. I am an older woman, who knows that no man can manage a marathon at that hour of the morning, so turned over, quite confident that it would cease in a few moments and we would all get some sleep....but NO ! This particular couple appeared to stamina and the rhythmical banging, with an occasional change of tempo for one hour ! Trust me, my imaginary female friend was not the only one begging him to finish. I was equally appalled and fascinated.How the hell could a drunken man manage such a feat ??? Was he superhuman ?? How did she keep up ??? This topic formed one of the conversations over breakfast the following morning, and fuelled with Americanos we headed of the stroll around town, headed off to the beautiful Belvedere Estate, lunched in Red Earth and popped back to the apartments in time for the arrival of The Mad One and our " Cocktail Masterclass" . Things took a decidedly different turn from that point forward and the poor young barman charged with entertaining we 6 cougars looked like a rabbit in spotlights, until the Sex on the Beach started flowing and our baying abated. We had Cosmos, Woo Woo's and all manner of funny coloured drinks culminating in our asking one of the other bar staff to take a photo of all six of us with the poor young fella, clasped between the ample legs of The Mad One. A little tiddly and full of fun we moved over to the lovely Miller and Cook for Antipasti and Pizza's proceeded by Hendricks , Fever Tree tonic with cucumber, mint and lime .... 3 of our 5 a day according to Vanilla Ice.
The conversations which took place at Belvedere and in Miller and Cook cannot possibly be blogged about, as I, and a few others , would be arrested. We finished night number 2, draped over the Joe Dolan statue before hitting the bar of the Greville Arms. The dulcet tones of a 65 year old crooner filled the downstairs do we headed up to the gorgeous "library" upstairs, where the Mad One promptly fell asleep in her armchair....she is a party animal ! An hour later I woke her and linked her home to our apartment, happy that I would have my full nights sleep, apart from the always predictable bottom burps, which would emanate from her at regular intervals...Lamb Kofta..God help me !
It happened again ! I awoke at 7, pulled the duvet over my mouth and nose for the reasons indicated above, and lay there listening, one more time to the bang, bang, bang ! Dear God, this couple were obviously not married, had no children and must have been reunited after separation....who the hell else does this two nights running ????? The Mad One rolled over, grunted and advised me that the banging was in fact the heating system coming on, so I knew then it would last for a solid hour and resigned myself to the fact my nights sleep was over. Kindly, the Mad One punctuated the banging with little toots of her own, so I began to realise that GASP's snoring is not the worst !
The Mad One phoned the Spud Farmer over breakfast advising him that she was in fact leaving him, had arranged a gigolo to come to the hotel at 11.30 and hoped he had a nice life. We all giggled and she and I headed upstairs to shower and dress. "I actually have a man coming over at 11.30" she advised me. Mad Mull, the Longford Lunatic was due to pop over to see her, an old friend, who I knew was good fun, so we hatched a little plan. Mad Mull was easily convinced to pose as a gigolo we had hired for the Blonde's big birthday and when the FA arrived back to our apartment was introduced to him, as he went into the sitting room " to change" . She looked at us nervously but I advised her to " Trust Me", and she hastily went into her room. A few minutes later she emerged to move our bags to the other apartment , asked if she could give the Blonde some kind of indication to what was coming but was told it would ruin the surprise and she just had to trust us. 5 minutes later we were all in one apartment, when the doorbell rang, the Mad One went to answer it, I pressed play on my phone to start the Full Monty theme tune and in arrives Mad Mull with a towel around his neck looking for the birthday girl ! Vanilla Ice fled to behind the kitchen table, the FA looked as if she had been shot, the WKM took out her phone and the Blonde went puce....it was hilarious. Mad Mull, quite enjoying his new role, placed the towel around the Blonde's neck and moved her over to a waiting leather chair, sat her down and straddled her, proceeding to remove his jumper, before we cracked up laughing, got the " money shot" and let them all in on the joke...PRICELESS. A fabulous end to a fabulous weekend.
Happily ,I headed home to GASP and the boys, to find a roast stuffed chicken dinner, a hovered sitting room and all the washing done....hopefully the chicken is not the only bird to get a right good stuffing this weekend !!!