Brief encounter

The President and the First Lady , much to our delight, chose to visit our capital city a couple of weeks ago along with a mad bunch of much adored friends. A small incident involving the Presidents disappearing wallet led to the Mad One and I going on a Dempsey and Makepeace type escapade around the somewhat dodgy areas of the city, until The Mad One retreived said wallet from the Summerhill Bus Depot. The President and First Lady expressed their gratitude by sending a Marks and Spencers voucher to both of us, much to my joy. I have a theory in relation to M+S vouchers, in that such unexpected gifts should always be used to refresh ones underwear drawer, so with delight I headed off to freshen up my summer underwear. I contemplated each and every knicker on it's merits, appearance, VPL, colour, the need for invisibility under summer linen and whites. I did , for a brief ( get it!) moment consider the sexiness factor, but quickly discounted this as a viable reason to buy lingerie just ahead of my 47th birthday. I decided that the 1950's sex siren look could easily be achieved in a "full brief" as the high legs I had always previously chosen leave a distinct VPL . The low rise was an absolute non runner unless I planned spending the day with my hands down my trousers hitching them up. The thong...ha ha ha ha ha ! Not blody likely !!! I chose the full brief multipack in white and "flesh" coloured with a view to displaying a VPL free, smooth outline in my linen trousers, causing no reason for anyones stare to rest longer than necessary on my posterior. If they did however, I was confident they would find nothing to alarm them...unlike what happened to me when I went home and, while changing for a night out, put a pair on . Holy Mother of God ! Full brief...more like full feckin moon ! They were HUGE. With my bra on there was only about 3 inches between the top of the brief and my bust...with my bra off....the gap disappeared ! They came up above my naval and beyond and the likelihood of a VPL was negligable but I was quite likey to flash a bit of knicker above my trouser waistband ! In a moment I had turned from my perceived 1950's sex siren to a middle aged, never planning on having nookie again, large floppy woman of dubious mental health. They are unlike the Bridget Jones version in that they have no tummy control so I looked like a nappied jelly baby. But what to do with 5 pairs ??? I can't, obviously, leave them back. I dread the thought of being hit by a bus and these being revealed on my admission to casualty. I could stitch all 5 together together to make a hammock or might use them to line the cats basket...one alone would do it !
I found an article on how to recycle your underwear and quite frankly found some of the suggestions frightening.eg. use them to wrap a present ,to support heavy fruit....or make a quilt !!! WTF *****. https://www.green-talk.com/15-ways-recycle-underwear/

I will not be doing any of these...I had thought of using them on my head to keep my hair back while applying make up but they are actually bigger than my head. I think they will make quite perfect dusters, but I will keep one pair for under the white linen. So, if you see me in my linen trousers without any VPL at all, and for a moment you think I might have chosen to go commando, rememeber this blog and be advised that I have it well and truly covered !