Bad Day !

Yesterday, I should have listened to every bone in my Bank Holiday body and stayed in bed. Monday 6th August was my Friday 13th. I awoke, stiff sore and pissed off. I got out of bed and headed up to the sitting room where the 3 men in my life were slouched, surrounded by remnants of the previous nights snacks and already bickering over what to watch on the television...my images of one TV and a happy family disintegrating before me. I realised I was slightly hormonally challenged so sat outside with the cats muttering insanely to myself as I consumed my first Costa Tassimo coffee of the day. I must have appeared slightly demented when I gave out about the state of the sitting room as when I requested a second coffee my eldest son swiftly presented me with one adding (under his nearly teenager breath) that it was decaff as I had enough caffeine into my system. His father eyed him incredulously , his son being totally unaware of the imminent danger and advised him NEVER to give me decaff before 3pm.
I decided ,for the sake of the family, to go for a walk in town to increase my serotonin levels, hopefully boost my peri menopausal oestrogen levels and prevent a felony occurring. I pounded the streets , listened to a brilliant TED talk on marriage ( by chance !) by Jenna Mc Carthy, where I learned the secret to remaining married was to stay slimmer and better looking than your partner ( i.e. keep feeding GASP !). By the time I got back into the car 3.98 furious km later, I was feeling more human , was a nicer human being and decided to visit the currently one armed BMM for a coffee before heading home to my nervous spouse and offspring.
This proved to my undoing. I arrived at BMM's and texted GASP advising him ( very nicely) that I was just popping into my mothers for a coffee and would be home in 30 mins. I finished the text with a kiss to let him know he could remove his bullet proof vest. As I pressed BMM's doorbell, something red moved behind me. I turned to find it was, in fact, my jeep !!! In the frantic seconds which then passed I decided to do that thing you are not meant to do i.e. try to hop into a moving jeep...yes I KNOW !!! I tried the door, then had to use the fffin clicker to open the door and as it veered towards the small cul de sac road in front of BMM's . I managed ( I have no idea how) to get into the moving jeep, just in time to be there when it hit BMM's wrought iron gate. This whole event took place over a distance of about 15 feet in about 7 seconds and resulted in a loud crunching bang affecting jeep and gate. Jaysus !!! BMM, her neighbours and the small boy on a bike ( who was my one and only thought as the jeep started moving towards the road he was on) witnessed my demise, my restarting of the jeep, reversing back to the spot I had intended leaving it, applying the hand brake and the checking out of the front of the jeep and the gate. The jeep got off quite lightly considering....I popped back in the front panel, surveyed the black paint marks from the gate and noted the slightly misshapen end of the bumper. The gate is now curved, missing some paint in the middle section and is jammed up against the curb but is upright....just ! BMM, very gracious in her acceptance of same made me a very strong Americano, fed me scones ( sugar for shock....obvs ! ) and reminded me that it could have been alot worse....this was the part which gave me the aftershocks all day.
So after pounding the roads and wrecking a wrought iron gate I returned home, meek, a little less argumentative and in a somewhat more grateful frame of mind. I dismissed GASP to his mothers, had a long hot soak in the bath as my Mission Impossible stint had slightly niggled my stiff sore self, and lay on the couch in my PJ's to watch Robert Redford and Jane Fonda in a touching romantic, stunt free " Our Souls at Night". A bowl of ice cream, strawberries and maple syrup soothed my soul and by the time my brood returned home I was no longer recognisable as the woman who had woken that morning...thank God !Some days just need to be written off...excuse the pun !