The Lowdown on the Hoedown

There is a serious buzz around the parish. It started a few weeks ago when news of this years barn dance hit social media. Before the women had even started to wonder if you could wear the same cowboy hat two years running, the local GAA club announced it was holding Jiving lessons ! Perfect. The KOK's and I were delighted as we like keeping fit and dancing and jiving ticks all the boxes. We enrolled immediately and over the past 5 weeks , under the tuition of the Passionate Parkers ( PP's) , learned how to jive...imagine ! The first night I was partnered with Twinkletoes, which proved a little silly, as she is a lot shorter than me and generously chose to " be the man" leading me to have crick in my neck in the middle of the night. After that I shared myself around the room, dancing with one of the PP's, Transformation Tracey and Fluffy Duffy. Last week I got lucky though, as one of the local ladies had a football game, leaving her husband to dance alone....or so she thought ! I hopped on Swinging Sweeney immediately and we danced the night away alongside the Dancing Cowboy and his lovely wife Cowgirl Caitriona. Poor Swinging Sweeney is still in counselling and has the ultimate sympathy for GASP, now that he has spent an evening trying to handle me. There is a jiving competition at the Hoedown, so The Dancing Cowboy complimented me highly on my jiving technique encouraging me to enter the competition....flattery will get you anywhere with me....but I reckon he just wants me for my registration fee !
Even GASP is getting into the spirit of things, heading off last night to give a hand to set things up. As soon as he had put away his steak tonight he leaped up, advising he was off to the barn again to help out....I am a little concerned as tonight the ladies are in attendance, setting up for the other big event tomorrow " Family Fun on the Farm", the schools fundraiser taking place in the afternoon. Personally I reckon GASP has gone to " help the ladies" in my absence, my old back preventing my joining in too....I reckon he has realised I am unfit for nookie so is off sniffing it out elsewhere !
Even the children are excited for this weekend as from 1-4 tomorrow they get to be cowboys and cowgirls too, with a fabulous event planned for them before the Hoedown. There's a mini tractor grand prix, a junior barn dance, a magic show and a farm machinery display. The boys can't wait. Hats were ordered and delivered, checked shirts ironed, rifles brandished and sunglasses donned....yes I know ! I have a sparkly pink cowgirl hat to compliment my pink cowboy boots and am looking forward to the kids event nearly as much as the night time event.

But when the sun goes down critters ,and the men come in from the yard, the women, tanned, toned and tousled, will don their cut off denim shorts, knot their cute checked shirts and will click their heels. The men will don their waistcoats, put on their cowboy hats and will secretly feel more masculine than ever before. They love dressin' up in an era where they were hard and butch and smelly, and women fawned all over them. Tomorrow night, for a few hours, they will pretend that they are strolling into a saloon with spurs on, having tied up their horse outside. They will compete on the mechanical bull, will tip their hats to the ladies and will pee behind a hay bale. The ladies will jive and sparkle and giggle in the midst of such masculinity and might just get a roll in the hay if they are lucky ! The Passionate Parkers will judge the jiving , the Dancing Cowboy will cut a swathe through the crown and Swinging Sweeney will most likely spend the night looking for me to partner him ! The Child of Prague is out, the checked shirts pressed, the boots polished and the moves practised....bring it on ! Come on....you know you want to !