Pumpkins and Porn Stars - the sequel

It has been a very tough week. It's bad enough that we lost two of our baby pumpkins but now the big mama has bit the dust....a tragic loss. She now rests on the compost heap so at least her life was not in vain ,and others may benefit from her generous donation in the future, but I was heartbroken. I broached the subject very gingerly with the 5 year old , who simply said " sure we'll buy more seeds Mammy and grow some more". The young can be so harsh !We now have one small, lumpy pumpkin left after months of prayer, love and attention and it looks like my encyclopedia of pumpkin recipes can be reduced to a pamphlet.This would all be bad enough in itself, if the Teacher had not decided to post photos on facebook of his offspring and his children....magnificent orange pumpkins of varying sizes and the two children in ecstasy posing beside them.....oh the sheer insensitivity of it ! How could he ? I thought we were friends. GASP is not impressed that there is someone out there with pumpkins bigger than his. A dent like that to a mans ego can be detrimental. He may give up the game completely...I can't bear it !
On the porn star front GASP is also in difficulty. Using the old trick of adding your first pets name to your mothers maiden name to come up with your porn star name, I would be Dazzle Doyle...a truly great name. GASP however turned out to be none other than "Mutt Halpin". Now I don't know about you but nowhere I've lived would have found that name erotic in any sense. Maybe in Longford or Roscommon "Mutt Halpin" could have a successful porn career but in the Royal County, where pumpkin size matters,I fear he would not find gainful employment.