bigfoodiemama

I love my children, I love the seven dwarfs, I love the Mad One and her brood, I love my nephews and nieces, I love parties. Put them all ( 15 kids and 8 adults) in the same room for 3 hours, with that room being in my house on the occasion of the babies first birthday and my favourite things combine into a kids party ie. hell on Earth !Now I don't think any parent would disagree with me on this one. Kids parties are total madness. For weeks beforehand you debate what fabulously inventive party menu you will create and browse through kids cookery books,google cakes and recipes and scour the shops for bizarre ingredients and edible decorations. Then things like work and everyday life get in the way and you realise with 12 hours to go that all you have is a pile of the type of sweets you totally disapprove of at parties, you still have to make a cake because you think you should, when you should have got one in Tesco and your husband convinces you that Chicken Nuggets and Chips as al...

" If you have removed your undergarments I will be round in 15 minutes " Fact 1.These are the actual words of a text I received yesterday Fact 2. I did not receive this text from my husband Fact 3. It was from a man Fact 4. He did come round 15 minutes later . . . .to see my Shiela's Maid Now, interestingly enough, Newly (not so) single was round a the time. She is the person who introduced me to the concept of suspending a Shielas Maid clothes drier from my utility room ceiling, so that my smalls would waft above me, instead of staring me straight in the eye ,on the inside line. I say "waft" as if they are small and flimsy enough to "waft" but that is in fact a severe case of poetic license, as my smalls ( larges) give the impression of someone having parachuted into the utility room, their chute having got caught just before they crashed to the floor ! Newly single and I greeted the Chicken Man on his arrival and I confirmed to him that I had removed...

Today was the day of the annual anniversary mass for GASP's father and sister. It was unusual in that it was in a bank holiday but every year MIL gets pipped a the post for the Sunday closest to the actual date, having tried to book it earlier in the year and been advised by the priest to leave it awhile !The seven dwarfs were all there and my four inch heels only added to their shortness. I looked great if I say so myself having lost 8 pounds and put on a pair of "magic" tights under a Gok approved wrap dress . When I say "magic" they apparently lifted my bum, smoothed my tum, embraced my hips and toned my thighs.....MAGIC indeed !I had dressed the baby in a new tracksuit ( no not the mini NIKE type ) but the trousers were far too long ( he has the dwarfs legs) so I changed the trousers on GASP'S suggestion.GASP ( in a moment of complete and other fashion madness) wanted to leave the green and white top on with the brown cord trousers. I knew that merely po...

Ok so we lost the big one. On Monday I went out and bought a perfectly shaped, perfectly orange large pumpkin. GASP did the honours, cleaning it out and carving it beautifully. Eldest son was delighted when we lit the wee candle and christened him "Paddy the Pumpkin". All good....until this morning ! Paddy had gone blind in one eye due to an infestation of mould ! Like plastic surgery gone bad, next to collapse was the bridge of his nose but before his whole face caved in we sent him to the compost heap leaving eldest son in tears. Jaysus, I wish I had never started this pumpkin thing. Last night I used pureed pumpkin flesh to make Pumpkin Muffins.....they were crap ! Let's face facts pumpkin is tasteless. The reason you add every spice you can think of and vast quantities of sugar to every pumpkin recipe is to cover the taste of the pumpkin !For you own sake substitute every mention of pumpkin for carrot or sweet potato and life will be alot better. I have promised to bu...

It has been a very tough week. It's bad enough that we lost two of our baby pumpkins but now the big mama has bit the dust....a tragic loss. She now rests on the compost heap so at least her life was not in vain ,and others may benefit from her generous donation in the future, but I was heartbroken. I broached the subject very gingerly with the 5 year old , who simply said " sure we'll buy more seeds Mammy and grow some more". The young can be so harsh !We now have one small, lumpy pumpkin left after months of prayer, love and attention and it looks like my encyclopedia of pumpkin recipes can be reduced to a pamphlet.This would all be bad enough in itself, if the Teacher had not decided to post photos on facebook of his offspring and his children....magnificent orange pumpkins of varying sizes and the two children in ecstasy posing beside them.....oh the sheer insensitivity of it ! How could he ? I thought we were friends. GASP is not impressed that there is someone o...

Today I had the pleasure of attending the Artisan Food and Craft Fair at Sage and Stone ( www.sageandstone.com). The promised Indian Summer didn't arrive but the rain stayed off and they came in droves to sample the fayre. The blonde was manning the Callan and Harte stall next to the Porn Star's art, my first stop. She was wrapped in layers of wool and scarves while he sported a pale yellow polo shirt. We commented on his attire but realised it was all part of his ploy as one after one the women came over to first admire his biceps and then fall for the sales pitch. The blonde was seriously considering exposing some cleavage but I felt it was inappropriate next to the Old Mc Donald framed children's poem. She was consoling herself with the truly great pizza's from the pizza oven aboard "street pizza" as I continued to browse. The chicken and sweetcorn soup I had as a starter was fantastic but then it was on to the Aruna stall for Chicken Roganjosh and rice.......

The Mad One has given birth to a baby girl ! Last Wednesday evening she arrived speedily into the world with a mop of brown hair with blonde highlights already in place...may be the Mad One's last colour penetrated through ? The fact that it was a baby girl meant that her 8 year old sister's dream has finally come through having tolerated the three boys in the house for long enough.I have a funny feeling their world is about to turn well and truly pink !The Mad One ( still quite mad) looks a million dollars and is blissfully happy as is the sperm donor...the Spud Farmer.His sperm ,however ( after 5 children !), is no longer required by the Mad One and he is soon to be featured on ebay I believe. Maybe she should consider doing to him what four women in England did. A wife found out that her husband had three mistresses! She contacted each one of them, none of them knowing the other existed. They enticed him to a hotel room, blindfolded him and promptly glued his penis to his l...