bigfoodiemama

It has taken me a week to get to the point of writing this blog as I have not been able to sit down since last week ! Not that I was busy " not able to sit down" but actually physically not able to sit down . As I had mentioned in my last post, I was heading off to the Hoedown in Lobinstown last Saturday night, following my 5 weeks of jiving lessons. The Dancing Cowboy approached GASP and I on arrival and again asked if I would enter the jiving competition. GASP immediately moved away as did the next 3 people I asked. I had a wee Merlot and approached the Dancing Cowboy, advising him that I would happily enter the competition but I could not source a partner. " Come with me" he uttered and he fought through the crowd to a group of 4 young men ( 25 - 32 I reckon) who looked at me as if I were some friend of their mothers. " Where is he ?" asked the Dancing Cowboy. Looking at me again, they indicated a cream battered cowboy hat in the distance. The Dancing C...

There is a serious buzz around the parish. It started a few weeks ago when news of this years barn dance hit social media. Before the women had even started to wonder if you could wear the same cowboy hat two years running, the local GAA club announced it was holding Jiving lessons ! Perfect. The KOK's and I were delighted as we like keeping fit and dancing and jiving ticks all the boxes. We enrolled immediately and over the past 5 weeks , under the tuition of the Passionate Parkers ( PP's) , learned how to jive...imagine ! The first night I was partnered with Twinkletoes, which proved a little silly, as she is a lot shorter than me and generously chose to " be the man" leading me to have crick in my neck in the middle of the night. After that I shared myself around the room, dancing with one of the PP's, Transformation Tracey and Fluffy Duffy. Last week I got lucky though, as one of the local ladies had a football game, leaving her husband to dance alone....or s...

So GASP and I had the pleasure of listening to a radio programme yesterday examining why couples argue, the theory being that we all have different reasons. The presenter, however, felt that all arguments came down to one basic issue i.e. the division of tasks in the home, particularly in the case of the couples who both go out to work....I say " go out to work" as staying home with children is " staying home to work even harder !" Having giggled the whole way through the broadcast as every little row we had ever had being described,( and my having cooked everyone's breakfast......) we headed off to the under 8 football blitz on a gorgeous sunny morning. Numerous conversations take place on the sidelines of these local events, so when The Chicken Man joined us, I mentioned the programme, to which he immediately mentioned the apparently universal issue that he had of women ( he only mentioned his wife but let's face facts, we all know what he meant !) bein...

So the Mad One and I headed off to a local Slimming World class, a little distance away, as only Wednesday evenings suited us both, and not, as per local rumour, that the Mad One had been banned from the one in the town. I had noticed on the way over to our first weigh in that the Mad One was in fine spirits, which usually leads to an entertaining evening, and even she herself asked that I stop her if she " overshared". I did wonder how I might actually do this, as once she is in full stride, it's not an easy feat ! My 3 lb weight loss was the first one announced and the Mad One whooped and hollered like a cowgirl. I advised the gathered group that I was delighted with this, as I had not been " all good" for the week, at which point the Mad One advised the room that I had been off for a " dirty night away" ! They sniggered as I explained that the only " dirty" element were the two dirty great glasses of red wine I enjoyed with my pasta dish. ...

I have a seat needs some attention. The upholstery is faded, saggy and loose and the stuffing, which ,at some point, I am sure was firm and supportive is now a bit skimpy, lacking and quite hard to sit on. With refurbishment in mind, GASP approached it first...well I thought it only fair before I farmed it out. He drove his elbow into it in an effort to loosen up the stuffing but to little lasting effect. He suggested turning over and approaching from a different angle, but he was only getting excited. Marcus Aurelius , happily stuck 4 inch needles in it, which I quite enjoyed to be honest, but I was still not completely satisfied. I thought about Rapid Ronan with a view to his slightly sadistic approach of putting it on a static bicycle and going hell for leather until the bulk improved, but reckoned it might actually kill me. Alot of women swear by him though. Then I happened across a wee ad on Facebook from none other than my all time favourite man for the job...yes , you guessed ...

There is a brothel out the back of our house. About 8 females inhabit it, 2 madams and their 6 young ladies. There are two male pimps known as Big Fat Norman and Batman, who visit frequently just to observe or occasionally, no doubt, based on the squeals and screams, to sample the goods. Activity fluctuates on a daily basis, as not all the ladies are there at one time....but when they are it is mostly playful but, women being women, it can turn vicious and occasionally someone gets hurt. I constantly feel the need to step in, but GASP advises me strongly against this citing nature and it being " just the way of the world" and so I remain an interested caring observer. One of the ladies however is very skinny, looks very frail and, in my opinion, needs rescuing, I noticed a particularly rough altercation with Big Fat Norman earlier and wanted to jump straight in but held back for fear of even more trouble. " I love an underdog" I said to GASP, who is quite frankly a ...

My second ride was much more comfortable as Prince Albert pumped me up, greased my balls and lit me up.....and all while MILF looked on ! I was truly delighted that my bottom seemed to have survived the initial ride without undue discomfort, but as I lowered myself back onto my saddle, a bruised feeling emanated from my nethers and it took a little time before I considered myself comfortably mounted. MILF, Twinkle Toes and I decided on a flat 20k route and on a beautiful evening rode out in the sunshine towards the vision that is Carrickmacross . MILF and I took the lead, a bit surprised that Twinkle Toes was lagging a bit behind. We gave her the benefit of the doubt due to a recent bad injury and slowed to let her catch up a couple of times, delighted that she was back in our company and wishing her a speedy return to full fitness. Turns out her apparent slowness was due to the fact that she was in completely the wrong gear and for every single rotation we made with our pedals Twinkl...